


where the light meets the dark

by thegreystar



Series: The Lucky Ones [1]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Abuse, First Love, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Young Love, hearache, mature content, teenage story with feels, the lucky ones - Freeform, touble kids in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19197826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreystar/pseuds/thegreystar
Summary: Troubled teen Robert tutors a young teen called Aaron. Two trouble soul find solace in each other learning the struggles that comes with teenage life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in New York (upstate) for this story to work and I don't really know anything of Uk and really rather not offend anyone. The characters are still from UK which will be apparent in the way they speak and will be explained. There are some warnings of child abuse as everything will somewhat follow the canon storyline.
> 
> also thank you to Mia for being my beta and putting up with this fic. you can visit her on her tumblr aaronsugdenhawley

This story takes place in New York (upstate) for this story to work and I don't really know anything of Uk and really rather not offend anyone. The characters are still from UK which will be apparent in the way they speak and will be explained.

 

  
  


_**October** _

 

  
tick

tick

tick...

The sound echoing in the small room as he counted every last second until he was free. He gnawed at his pencil, chewing away to distract himself from unwavering boredom weighing down on him. And yet, it was only thirty minutes into his tutoring session. It was his punishment but one he gritted his teeth and accepted his faith than the option that his father had to _set him straight,_ baring away on the family farm further upstate. He hated every spec that made up the fields and he hated being associated with the title farm boy. It was day one of his sentence as Robert sees it.

 

He would have quietly walk through the door but there were eyes everywhere. His recent actions have caused him to be a concern to the principal. In his opinion, locking he's brother's friend in supply closet wasn't the worst thing he's done. No one was going to call him 'white trash' and get away with it. So he sat back tapping away against the desk waiting for the kid that was to show up.

It felt like a miracle as the time flew by and it was ten minutes to the end of the session. Relieved, he shove the books in his bag, packing away the last remaining things when the suddenly, the door flies open. It was a boy in gray sweats looking at a piece of paper. He had dark gel hair and shifty eyes searching the room. It was filled with tutors all engrossed in their session. He quickly scan the room again when his eyes met with a gangly blond boy from across the room. With his bag flung over his shoulder, he made his way to the back of the room, dropping his bag on the table.

 

“Robert?” His voice rough for his young age masking the pitch in his voice as he stood there waiting for his response.

 

“Yea... Aaron ?” He nodded, plop himself in the chair beside Robert and folding his arms.

 

“You have to find another tutor, I'm heading out”

 

“I only just got here!” Aaron retort in a harsh tone, his attitude was already rubbing Robert the wrong way.

 

“Yea, forty minutes ago, mate when your session started” He was also British Robert realized.

 

“It says it starts now, _mate_ ” He held up the paper waving it in from of him. Robert grab the paper reading the note with the timing stated as Aaron said.

 

“Well, that sucks. I have to go”

 

“whatever. I guess I'll just tell the old bird at the desk then“ With his arms folded he smiled waiting for his response.

 

Robert curse to himself, both boys glaring at each other. _Who did this kid think he is?_ If this was a different situation, Robert would noted to find a way to let this boy pay to wipe the smug smile across his face. He really would but he really wasn't looking to mess this up to having to do chores at home. With an exasperated sigh he sat back down, opening his bag and throwing the books on the table.

 

\---

 

 

Every session they had seem to be brewing with unsaid words to passive annoyance, through a huff from Robert or the younger boy's lack of interesting in finishing his work. The atmosphere was tensed, cutting out the noise of chatter around them. It was stifling and eating away Robert's patience but it was clear, if one thing they both could agreed on – neither one wanted to be there.

 

\---

 

It has been a week now since Robert first met Aaron. They would meet for three days during the week and each session, Robert felt the wearing of his patience running thin. Aaron would always show up late. Unapologetic with a chip on his shoulder as he would sit saying only a few words. He was cooperative for the most part. He was quiet in nature from his observation, Robert found himself quite irritated about the younger boy, the way his face seem to stuck with his one expression, his stupid chain and ugly, gray colored sweaters. He was being petty at this point, Robert knows but even his stupid blue eyes that seems to judge him with every gaze – _he hated it._

 

It was past three in the afternoon as he sat watching the clock. Agitated that Aaron was yet again late. He had football practice and got lectured by his coach, doing extra laps and if this was going to be a reoccurring thing, Robert knew he had to put an end to this.

The swing of the door caught his attention and the boy that was now walking towards him. He always had the same grumpy demeanor. Robert didn't think he'd seen another kid so grouchy as Aaron. And he won't admit he thought he pulled it off because he somehow found it to be a bit amusing.

 

“You're late “

 

Aaron shrugged and slump down in his seat with his arms crossed.

 

“so you're not going to tell me why ?”

 

“It's none of your business”

 

“Mate, I don't care alright? Just show up on time” Robert seethed, slamming the book close.

“or what?”

 

Robert sigh. Running a hand through his hair “You know what, you can find someone else to teach this rubbish.”

 

“yea, I'm sure you have to go feed the cows or summit- farmer boy. Wanna run back to counting chickens?” Robert glared at him, trying to work out how he knew about him. He wasn't the new kid anymore but certainly the running jokes would reach his ear and a quip would send him setting whoever had something to say right – like brother's friend. He's never seen this kid around before but then gossip in this schools spread faster than the news. Pamela's oral skills with already buzzing on the phones the minute she step out of library with Josh, the Senior. It didn't matter, this boy was a junior and looking at him with a smirk, mocking him.

 

“You know, you shouldn't be so smug for someone clearly dunce enough that needs tutoring!” Robert shouted.

 

“Your asking for a beating, mate” Aaron marching up in the older boy's face. He was shorter than Robert but he didn't care. He had taken on boy's twice his size and won – this wasn't any different.

 

“I'm sure that's what you're good at, couldn't be for your smarts that you obviously lack.... typical chav” Robert smirk.

 

Aaron hated it. That smug look he seem to always have on is face, he was going to wipe it off. Aaron pushed Robert hard causing him to fall over in the chair. Robert got up quickly and lunged at him causing them hit the floor hard. It all happen so fast as he found himself underneath the younger boy and felt a quick painful jab across his left eye.

 

Before he could react, a teacher was pulling them away and pushing them down the hall with Aaron behind him. Cursing to himself as they made their way to the principal office. This wasn't looking good and he wasn't trying to make his week any worse.

 

\----

 

His cheek was throbbing and twig with dull pain when he blinks. Robert sigh slouching in his chair with the cool ice pack soothing the swelling. It's been nearly an hour that they were seated outside the office. Nearly an hour of silence filled the hallway. They had settle and after being lectured by the principal and watching helpless as she call their father. It was only a matter of time before he would be stack with more chores to do and watch as Andy continue to be the golden son. Robert cursed under his breath just anticipating how much more of a disappointment he is. He was ignoring Aaron but from the corner of his eye, Aaron hasn't seem to move since they sat down waiting as the time goes by. He quickly glanced, curiosity getting the best of him when notice Aaron been biting his nails to the point it was bleeding.

 

“Hey! ” Aaron jumped at sound of Robert's voice. Following the older boy's gaze to the smudge of blood on his thumb, he quickly wipe his sleeve across his lips and folded his arms, sinking lower into his chair. Now, the younger boy was staring at the wall, looking as if he was waiting for the world to end. It was weird seeing him like this. Gone was the boy that was giving him lip just an hour ago and eyes dark with rage - now he seems nervous. He should be enjoying this moment but he wasn't looking forward to person that was coming through the hall doors.

 

They both jumped to their feet, when the door bursts open with the anger visible from the older men as they close in the distance and both stood in front of their boys, the principal by their side.

 

Robert was nervous but his dad wasn't going to see that, he stood tall. His defiance gleaming in his green eyes. Anticipating the words of disappointment to follow but the other man spoke first, eyes intense with rage.

 

“What did I tell you about causing trouble!” The blond hair man spat, stood tall and face hard. Robert watch as Aaron stood as if the ground could open any moment to swallow him. Eyes focus on the ground hands sinking into his thighs.

 

“Answer me boy!” He shouted not reacting to the principal's plea to calm him.

 

Aaron was breathing heavier, with his eyes looking at his father. _It was filled with fear?_ Robert couldn't place what he felt. Maybe he understood feeling like a disappointment or fearing the wrath of your father but Robert didn't like it. Before he knew he was uttering the words that got all eyes on him.

 

“It was me. I- I started it.” Robert looked at both men. His hands in his pocket to hide his nerves. “I lost my patience with him and I pushed him.”

 

“Aaron, is that true ?” Aaron wide eyes stood staring at Robert, confused and unsure what to say.

 

Judging by their appearance, it was clear who won as robert display a dark pink, bruised eye. “Aaron, be honest” Mrs Kelligan spoken all waiting for the silence to be broken. If Robert was going to lie, he was going to commit to it. Eyes gazed at him when Robert quickly shoved Aaron to the floor.

 

He felt Jack grab him by the collar. “What are you playing at Robert!”

 

“Did you not teach your boy any manners?” Gordon spit as he pulled Aaron up and away from them.

 

“Gentlemen please! Let us set an example here.“the principal adjusted her glasses as she continued to speak. “I had given both your sons another chance. We don't give up on our students. They are both smart young boys but I cannot let this kind of behavior continue - Robert,” she sigh with a sad smile across her face that made him think of his mother with her beautiful blue eyes.

 

“Robert, you got to Kempbrook late and did exceptionally wonderful considering your new adjustment being with us in these few months, which I am very impressed” She smiled,“you're almost ready to graduate. Don't you want to be able to make something of yourself?” Robert stood silently, eyes diverted to the side.

 

“I'm sorry Mr. Sugden but Robert will have a three days suspension and will continue doing his tutoring lessons for extra credit and community service.”

 

He could feel his father's eyes burning into him. He was a man with the stature that would intimidate most people but Robert wasn't going to show the effect it had on him.

 

“I'm very sorry Mrs. Kleegan, this won't happen again. Thank you so much “

 

“Robert?” Mr. Sugden said in a stern voice.

 

“Yea, sorry Mrs. Kleegan” Robert muttered. When he looked up, he found the bluest eyes staring at him. They didn't share words but it was clear there was confusion written on Aaron's face, as he watched this boy he had given a black eye to-,walk away through the building doors.

 

\----

 

  
  


Staring at the ceiling, listening to the shuffling coming from downstairs. Aaron tug on his hoodie strings, thinking about yesterday when that blonde haired boy out right took the blame for him. When he came home, the fear he had running under his skin, dissipated when his father had called him a man. “You handled yourself well Aaron. A strong Livesy man in the making” he said, as he patted Aaron's shoulder. When he walked away to the dining table, the young teen let go of the breathe he had been holding. Relief washing over him and a certain blond freckled faced boy he had to thank for that. He saved Aaron in a way he'll never know. For the first time, someone protected him and unbeknownst to that person, Aaron could sleep tonight. Tears sprang to the corners of his eyes with relief, as the moon cast high - reflected through his window. There were no shadows by his door. No creaking of the wooden floor board that screamed to warn him. He was lulled to sleep from exhaustion and listening to the silence of the room, knowing that he would be alright tonight, thanks to a farm boy named Robert Sugden.

 

It was with this same thought in his mind that Aaron was led to the place where he stood now. He peered his eyes at the sign. _Was this the right place?_ He had information written on a piece of paper, luckily in the distance he saw the sign high in the sky – _**Sugden & Brothers farm**_.

 

Before he could step any further he heard the sound of a truck coming to a halt beside him.

 

“You're that kid that gave my son the black eye” Amusement in the voice as he eyed Aaron down.

 

“Erm- sorry sir-”

 

“Robert needed a good knocking so you did me a favor.” He adjusted his hat, “What are you doing here?”

 

“I was wondering if you had a job. I could help out on the farm?” Aaron fiddled with his sleeves. “I can start right now if you'd like.”

 

The older man smiled proudly and open the passenger door. “Hop in. We could do with the extra hand. Always good to see young men who wants to work,” with that they drove to the farm grounds.

 

“Robert!” Mr. Sugden shouted as he pulled the back of the truck open. Out of the fields, walked the tall blond in overalls and gloves, preparing himself for the worse.

 

“You!” Bewilderment sat across Robert's face, looking at the boy, and then his father for answers.

 

“I want no lip, Robert. This young lad is looking to put in some good work” He said firmly. “Let him give you a hand then you can show him around.”

 

Robert glared at him then at Aaron, atleast he tried to, but he looked ridiculous. The overall hung on his small frame, rolled up by the wrist and ankles. Aaron put on his gloves, reaching out for the bag in the truck when Robert stood in front of the truck.

 

“What are doing here?”

 

“what does it look like?” Aaron replies but Robert didn't budge.

 

“Your brother said you're doing chores” Aaron said with an exasperated sigh, and grabbed one of the bags from the truck.

 

“No thanks to you and now I have to be here on this stupid farm” Robert growled as he lift the bulk of feeding off the truck.

 

“I could give you a hand”

 

“you already did” Robert point to the pink bruised below his eye. “so, no thanks.”

 

“Why are you even here?” looked at him.

 

“As thanks I guess, for taking the blame” Aaron kicked the pebble watching how far it went. In response, Robert scoffed, hands on his hips.

 

“You wouldn't know the first thing” Robert's chest out, exuding arrogance.

 

“It doesn't look hard” Aaron shrugged.

 

Robert ignoring his statement, folded his arms looking Aaron up and down.“why you always late then?”

 

“I do a job” He looks at Robert. “No ones knows”

 

“Why is it a secret?” To that, Aaron doesn't respond.

 

“Selling drugs?”

 

He shook his head. “Look, now ya know so just leave it yea?”

 

Robert brow furrowed, confused but decided he doesn't care. Grabbing another bag, he throws it to Aaron who caught it.

 

“Whatever-. If I'm going to be stuck with you, might as well be useful!”

 

Just like that, it was two of them in the afternoon sun. The cold hadn't set in as yet, and with the active movement between them-, it kept away the cold. Working in silence, unloading the bags and loading stacks of hay. Robert explained what he could remember, since most of the time, he don't pay attention or invest his time into working on the fields. Aaron was a fast learner. Robert was reluctant to say he was impressed, especially since he having an extra hand to meant less work for him.

 

Aaron felt his pocket vibrate and he knew he was late for dinner.

 

“I have to go” He said quickly stepping out of the overalls and throwing them on the fence.

 

“I'll be early next session” The younger boy said with his gaze intently at Robert to let him know he was serious.

 

Robert would have said something smart, but the look on Aaron's face, made the words die on his tongue.

 

“I'll take your word for it.” Was all he said, as he turned his back, jumping in the back of the truck to continue working.

 

Aaron ran towards the pathway when he realize he still had the gloves on. Quickly jogging back to drop them by the table by the shack. He stared in awe, he was struck with the most beautiful image, words that were out of Aaron's depth to express as he gazed on.

 

Robert stood tall, back arched as he wiped his brow with his eyes closed, soaking up the warmth of the sun. Aaron watched stunned, eyes gazing at the goldish mop of hair glistening and the freckles peppering his skin like a constellation of stars. If there was something he would admit to himself in the deepest corners of his mind, it was that Aaron had never seen a boy as pretty as Robert.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a song I mainly use to write this story to. If you want to play it as you read or check it out. Bon Iver - Holocene. just a reminder, this story takes play in New York. these are events to builds to the main story. Everything somewhat follow canon with changes to timeline and such.

 

Sorry it took so long for this to be up, here is part two and I amazed myself to even reach this far.

Enjoy :)

 

\-------

 

_**October** _

 

 

 

Watching the time go by – it was after three. Robert felt his annoyance start to grow but it quickly dissipates when he spotted those intense blue eyes coming towards him. He was in a gray hoodie and sweats, the only clothing that seem to be limited to his wardrobe Robert thought. His gaze fixed watching as the younger boy placed the bag on the table and started pulling out a few books.

 

It had been just a few days since his visit to the farm. It was just a few days they were rolling on the floor at each others necks and yet, here they were – civil. He was grateful but curious as to why this boy that was pain to deal with had suddenly changed his tune.

 

“You good mate?” the voice snapping him out of his train of thought as he stared back at the younger boy.

 

Still weary of his new attitude, Roberts brows furrowed in confusion. He didn't care for the most part really but Robert couldn't help but scratch the itch that was nagging away at him.

 

“I thought you had a job?” Roberts’ curiosity getting the better of him as he sees Aaron go still before responding.

 

“Your dad pays more” He shrugged. “Are you going to stare at me the whole day?”

 

“Whatever. Alright Livesy, let's get this over with.”

 

\----

 

“I don't get it. You obviously know the answers.” He studied the younger boys face before receiving another shrug. He looked hard around the edges. Stern faced with his arms crossed against his chest. He looked ridiculous in his oversized hoodie but Robert was not up for another rematch. Not one he would admit to anyway.

 

“I don't. You're just... not that bad, I guess” He couldn't tell him, could he? That he takes tutoring to buy his time away from home. He would keep that truth to himself so he feels the older boys’ eyes on him. He wasn't lying. Aaron wasn't one to tell false truths, if there was one thing he was known for was the sharpness of his tongue.

 

“Is that a ...compliment, Livsey?” Robert says wearing a smirk that made Aaron roll his eyes.

 

“Shut up” He was annoyed, truly he was, and the older boys’ smile only grew wider.

 

“I'll take that as a compliment too” Aaron glared at him with no heat behind his stare.

 

“Right, this is boring” Robert closed the book and stood up. “You go to the Weister's Mall?” Aarons’ eyes filled with confusion but nodded as he sees Robert looking across to the desk at the front that was empty.

 

“I bet I can beat you at GT speed racer” Robert teased with a goofy expression on his face.

 

“Say that again when I wipe your face in it!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**December** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving had come and gone, taking the warmth away with it. Soon, the lights and decorations were up for the most festive of all – Christmas. It should be a time for families to bond and laugh. To shower with gifts and adoration for one another but it wasn't this way for many, particularly the Sugden household.

 

The Sugdens family time had, over the last year, gotten stilted by the awareness of one of their favorite persons that was no longer with them. The holidays had been tainted for Robert. Thanksgiving was suffocating and Christmas wasn't much to celebrate in Robert's eyes; except to see his baby sister happy. Robert did not care for Christmas anymore; it was meaningless in his mind. It no longer held any love and warmth as he sat by the dinner table watching his father laughing and his older brother in an animated conversation with family friends that were guests at their home.

 

Robert had been sent away to his Grandma for thanksgiving week as Jack saw it as to create peace at home. What was best for the boys but for Robert, it was just another thorn twisting in his heart by his father. Choosing Andy to be the one to stay over him because he was being hostile as his dad saw it.

 

Sometimes Robert could contain it, sometimes he could hold back the anger and bitterness he felt trying to surface. Sometimes Robert could ignore it and see beyond his anger towards his brother and father but when the words spilled from his brother's mouth, it came crashing like wave.

 

“Mum would have loved the library here.”

 

“You have no right to mention her” venom in his words. Robert held Andy's gazed across the table. All the anger he had from their arguments a few weeks ago resurfacing.

 

“She was my mum too!” Andy cried.

 

“That's a joke-”

 

“Robert!” their father said with a stern look _._

 

“I'm not hungry” he stood abruptly, shaking the table as Victoria, the youngest of the two looked on confused.

 

“We have guests, Robert. Sit.” Jack held his gaze.

 

“Jack, it’s fine. If Robert's not hungry, I'm about full as well. That lasagna was really great, right Anna?” His friend Brandon intervened with an exaggerated rub of his tummy, looking to his wife as accomplice.

 

With that Robert patted his sister's head, he quickly walked along the kitchen to grab a bottle from the cupboard before he made his way upstairs to his room. He slammed the door shut and sat on his bed with his arms folded fuming. _His dad_ , his own dad taking Andy's side - _Always Andy_. The same boy that caused the fire at their home. The home they left. This wasn't home to Robert. It never will be as far as he sees it. Bouncing his knee, he needed to get away for a bit, a bit of distraction. He quickly picked up his phone and texted the first person he thought of that would cheer him up than he would admit.

 

**[Robert 8:38]**

 

_**Hey, you up?** _

 

Biting his lip in anticipation, there was a buzz on his phone. Robert smiled as the screen lights up.

 

**[Aaron 8:40]**

 

_**Yep...Bored. You?** _

 

 

**[Robert 8:42]**

 

_**Wanna hangout?** _

 

 

**[Aaron 8:44]**

 

_**I can't. It's late.** _

 

 

**[Robert 8:45]**

 

 

_**Okay, I'll come to you!** _

 

Without waiting for a response, Robert quickly put on a hoodie and quietly climbed through his window. Once his feet touch the ground, Robert took one envious look at at the silhouette display from the kitchen window. Laughs could be heard and unfazed by the lack of his presence. He could feel the prickling under his skin, something too familiar of jealousy rearing it's head. He knows he shouldn't feel left out, he was that started it but caught between his anger and confused by his own feelings, something he rather not do right now. So he zipped up his hoodie before walking off down the pathway into the night.

 

 

 

\-------

 

 

 

 

 

The constant tapping against his window got Aaron's attention. Hesitant but curious eyes as he got up from his bed to look through the window, surprised at the person standing there. He quietly opened his window.

 

“Robert?? I didn't think you were serious” Watching the older boy stand, with a bottle in hand and cheeks red from the cool air. It wouldn't be the first time they had ditched the world around them to run off. Tutoring was either finished early or they would sneak out to go to the mall to play at the arcade or spend their time when they worked on the farm to daze off. Playing football until Jack's truck could be heard coming down the track then they’d quickly continue to do their work.

 

“Wanna celebrate?” Robert smirked taking a swing from the bottle.

 

The younger boy looked across to his bedroom door, contemplating but a determined look cross his face. Grabbing his jacket before slowly climbing through his window and down the wooden garden fence.

 

“Don’t you have friends Sugden?” Aaron joked. Hopping down brushing his hands on his sweatpants.

 

“Yea but I came here feeling sorry for you” Robert teased patting Aaron's shoulder that it got slapped off.

 

“Besides, you're the closest one that lives near by” The older boy said as if to state the obvious as he sticks out the bottle to Aaron.

 

“First time drinking, Livsey ?” He felt his lungs burn and coughed harshly, wiping his sleeve against his mouth.

 

“No!” struggling to not cough up his lung, Robert took the bottle and took another gulp, resisting the urge to cough as the liquor burnt his chest.

 

“Well, it will keep us warm.” Shuffling his feet in the grass to get settled. “So what you been up to?”

 

Aaron shrugged. “Apart from going to the farm... nothing.”

 

Silence hung in the air for a few minutes. Before Robert spoke. “Christmas sucks”

 

Aaron nodded in agreement, resting his head against the wooden fence looking up at the night sky.

 

“What are you doing for the new years?”  
  


“We're going to my dad's friends place, which I couldn't give a shit about.” Digging his feet into the grass to workout his frustration.

 

“Same” Aaron says with a heavy sighed gazing at the stars. Both sat in silence before the older boy spoke.

 

“I hate this place.” Robert says in disgust as he took another sip. It was cold out, not anywhere to what they weren't used to but it brought a strange comfort Robert thought. One of countless nights he spent in his childhood home.

 

“Farm getting to you that bad?” Aaron tried to joke but it fell flat when Robert didn't bite.

 

Maybe because it was night and the whispering winds reminded him they were alone. They were alone with only the moon as their witness. Maybe it was the alcohol running through his veins loosening his tongue but Robert felt vulnerable. For a moment, sitting on the cold grassy ground with _his friend._

 

“Home is back in Emmerdale... where my mum is.”

 

“Your mum?” Aaron said hesitant before continuing, “She's in Emmerdale?”

 

“She's dead. She's buried there and we just left her.” He said trying not to let the guilt eat him up as he picked up a pebble and threw it as far as he could.

 

“My dad thought it was a good idea to start fresh when he’d gotten an offer to help build his friend's company here. He thought it was a good idea for the four of us to come here after the...” Robert looks down, words kept in his throat.

 

“After what?”

 

He should tell someone he thought, tell Aaron the dirty secret that his family had hidden away. The one that was eating at him ever since he found out the truth about the fire on their farm. The one why they left but then he would think of Andy, the scrawny dark haired boy he befriended so long ago and brought home. Robert would think of his baby sister, Victoria who seem to be happy making new friends and still caught in the ignorance of bliss that children still able to attain. How much he could say would always get caught in his throat. “S-she passed.”

 

It was silence after that, unsure how to response, Aaron spoke quietly. “My mum lives in Emmerdale”

 

Robert eyes shot up to look at Aaron. Nerves ease as he continued, “Haven’t seen her in ages.” Aaron says, finding the grass more interesting as he pulled at the cold stems. “My dad got a promotion at the company he works at so we relocated here.”

 

“Funny how we met each other.” Robert spoke studying the younger boy as he nods his head.

 

“Yea”

 

“I guess it's a sign we should have been friends” Robert took another sip, rubbing his arm across his mouth.

 

Aaron looked at him, surprise written across his face. Over the past month, they have gotten close. Slacking off when they could when there was no one to watch them at school and finding solace in their love for car games or hanging out on the farm listening to Robert's daily complaints about working on the farm. They shared a few truths but Aaron didn't dare to think Robert, a senior - who was on the football team and had a presence at his school- would think of him that way.

 

“We’re friends?”

 

“Yes, you idiot. Why do you think I stand you?!” Robert pushed him half heartedly.

 

“I don't know about that, you are a right pain” Aaron pushed him jokingly.

 

“Yea ,well you are always grumpy” Robert said mockingly

 

“I'm not!” Aaron laughed, trying not to sound offended but failed.

 

A few beats went by, as they relaxed. Looking at the stars with their arms resting on their knees.

 

“Friends.” Robert stuck the bottle out for him, waiting for him to take it with a big goofy smile on his face.

 

“Friends.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**January** _

 

 

 

New years came with the harsh cold that was currently burning into Roberts cheeks. He hated farming. There were no buts about it that could persuade him otherwise. Andy should be out here but instead he was with their dad off to meet some seeding dealers to negotiate on exchanging further crops for the coming harvest.

 

He ripped the weeds with every hatred in his being as he stewed in his cold harsh prison. It would have been even more unbearable to be out here alone but that was the only possible good thing about this situation. Aaron was with him.

 

He was moodier than usual, Robert had noticed. He noticed that he fidgets when he's nervous or something was plaguing his thoughts that seem too much for him to say. Aaron was brooding. He wasn't a big talker; he has come to know over the past couple of months they have become good friends. Robert also knew not to push him but he wasn't a very patient person.

 

“So are you going to tell me what's up?”

 

Aaron shrugged as he continued to pick up the debris. Who knew farming could be so tedious. It required attention to detail, patience – things Aaron would consider boring – but he found it to be relaxing. Mindless laboring on a field away from judging eyes and whispers. It allowed Aaron to keep his mind busy. Until now, ripping the weeds from the ground, feeling his friend's gaze staring into him.

 

“It’s nothing” Ripping away at the weeds and junk. 

 

“That's why you look like someone run off with your girl” Robert teased but he only get a glare before he went back to ignoring him.

 

“Alright, if you want to be such a bitch Livsey!”

 

“Say that again!” Aaron huffed quickly deflated as he watched the confused expression across Robert's face.

 

“I'm only joking”

 

“Whatever. I gotta go.” Peeling off his overalls and gloves and throwing them on the ground, ignoring Robert calling his name. He stood confused and unsure what just happened.

 

Later he tried to ring Aaron few times but nothing. Robert took the hint, Aaron was avoiding him but he wasn't one to take a hint. Now here he was standing at his front door. The last time he had been here was Christmas when they had drank away their woes and bonded over common ground. Robert knocked a few times before waiting for someone to respond. Within minutes a woman with brown hair stood with bags under her eyes and a hand on her round belly. She put on the most pleasant smile and greeted him.

 

Robert smiled, “um, Hi Mrs. Livesy, is Aaron here?”

 

“I thought he was at the farm with you?” She replied confused, hand rubbing her stomach unconsciously.

 

“Right, I forgot. I'm running late cause I wanted to stop by to give him something”

 

“Is it a gift? I'm sure he would be happy” She said with a sad smile.

 

“A gift?” He said with a confused gaze.

 

“It’s his birthday today. Poor boy was upset his dad went out of town.” She says, sympathetic she told him with a hand placed on her chest. Aaron hadn't mentioned anything the more he thought about it. He never mentioned his dad or family life back at home. We were all dealing with things we didn’t want. Robert shook his head and cursed to himself.

 

“I'm so stupid. I think I did left it back home after all. Bye Mrs. Livsey” HE says quickly run off before she could respond.

 

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

 

The bus ride was far as he hopped off and began to walk through the main entrance of Weibster Mall. He made his way to the Arcade store that was hidden in the back of the Mall. Plastered with upcoming games and glowing lights – it looked straight out of the eighties. If anything was to go by was the vintage game cartridges that sat neatly in the glass cabinet.

 

In front of him, Robert could see a dark haired boy banging the buttons on the machine, swearing under his breath as the his fighter gets knocked to the ground and the words displayed across the screen – GAME OVER popped up on screen.

 

 

“Wow, you suck at this. You should stick to car racing” Robert strolled over watching as the game counted down before focusing his attention on Aaron. He had a scowl on his face, more than the usual.

 

“Are you following me?” Blue eyes set on the older boy shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

“Your step mum told me it's your birthday today” That got Aaron to divert his gaze before looking square at him with a shrug. “Doesn’t matter.”

 

Robert wanted to tease Aaron, he liked teasing him and watch as the corner of his lips would turn up or hearing his snarky comebacks that made him laugh or just get caught completely by surprise. Instead he looked him up and down and smiled in a confident manner.

 

“You like comics?” He said after as he watched Aaron's eyes light up and the taller boys smile grew wider. He took it as an opening to reach closer to him, draping his arm over his shoulder.

 

“Come on Livsey, you're in for a treat!”

 

They were lucky enough to catch the bus, asking for a pardon of lost of fee to get home. An excuse that was sure every bus driver during the school hours heard but who would turn students away? So they found a seat at the back. It wasn't a far distance from Kerhonson valley when they came off the bus in the next town. Directing Aaron to a small book shop that looked like every typical small town store you can think of. The fade shop name states ' - O'neil's book store.

 

“Woah this is so cool!” Aaron said quickly touching the different stacks of comics. The size of the store did not reflect the vibrancy of the posters and action figures that decorated every wall. The figures stood as true heroes that cast their aura down on those who enter. There were columns of comic stacks that seemed to be organized in this chaos and on each one of the rows displayed the latest volume. They both laughed, Robert watched the glee in Aaron’s eyes as he touched the cover of dare devil vol. 26. Leaping in the air with his arch nemesis overcasting – the king pin.

 

The owner was a friendly old man with a white beard and curled moustache, who greeted them with a wave and continued with his conversation on the phone.

 

Time passed quickly as the sun set and the boys took it as their time to go and before they knew it, they were almost home. Robert bounced Aaron on the shoulder.

 

“I got you something” He whispered with a smirk, looking around before he pulled out a comic from under his shirt.

 

“You stole it?” Was all Aaron could say, fingers hesitant to touch the cover.

 

“I'm sure he won't notice. I didn't take the most recent one” Robert assured him. Proud of his work he placed the comic in Aarons’ open hands.

 

“Rob. This is awesome. T-thank you.” It was an issue of the Batman versus Joker series of the final showdown. Fingers flipped through exploding with colorful and tonal ink style art that jumped out of the pages with each turn before closing. Tucking it close to his chest like a valuable kept gem.

 

It was late now as they found their way home with out any interrogation or suspicious of their whereabouts. When he heard his phone buzzed, a smile on his face when he saw who it was .

 

 

**[Robert 6:56]**

 

**Happy Birthday Aaron.**

 

Aaron felt his cheeks burn, from the cold maybe. He felt his stomach turn. He bit his lip, trying to hide the glee that he felt radiating as he reread the text. It was the words Aaron waited to hear from his father. Waiting through the day in hopes of a call but nothing. Sandra attempts of a small cake hold no interest for him, especially when she seem preoccupied with baby names and decorations.

 

He was upset to say the least, trying to ignore how he felt but that was not possible with someone like Robert as a friend. One that he cherish than he could say. The one that was responsible for one of his best days.

 

Aaron fell asleep that night, thinking of the awesome day he had. Spending time with the tall lanky kid made him feel the happiest he has in a long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**February** _

 

 

 

 

 

Everywhere Aaron went hung hearts and swirls with words of 'true love' or other soppy phrases that emphasized the already obvious – Valentine's Day was a few days away.

 

Heart stickers along the corridor, he frowned at the one on his locker before closing it. It brought up thoughts in his head. He didn't care he wasn't popular or the center of attention of any of the latest gossips in the school. Sure, there were a few kids he spoke to in his class but they never invited him to outings and Aaron was fine with that –at least that's what he would tell himself. Whenever a special upcoming theme like this came along, he could feel judging eyes on him. Maybe it was in his head but everywhere he looked, there were hand holding, kisses, exchange at the corner of locker doors.

 

It wasn't anything new to him but this past few months have been different. He knew a senior, who had some reputation and was known around Kempbrook as 'the bad Sugden brother.'. And the only title Aaron cared for was that he was his friend. He was his only friend and special times like this reminded him he was a year below Robert, he was not 'cool' as he watched him at the end of the hallway chatting up one of the Kempbrook's top cheerleaders by the stairs. Aaron didn't care, well he shouldn't. They had spent a lot of time together, having laughs and fun regardless how they felt – seeing him with Alicia Keller surely remind him of his place.

 

The younger boy couldn't place his annoyance. He watched as Robert smiled, moving closer as he spoke to her. That smug look he always had when he teased Aaron, he was now displaying unashamed cockiness with the cheerleader. Aaron didn't like it. His annoyance continued through the day when they were at their routinely session.

 

 

“Shanelle is having a party at her house this weekend.” Robert said looking up from the book presented in front of him. They were at tutoring session as they do some days.

 

“So? I thought that was only for seniors” Aaron raised a brow, observing the taller boy before he spoke.

 

“Well, I'm invited and you're my friend”

 

“I can't anyways” he shrugged pretending to read his book. “ I have stuff to do.”

 

“oh yea? Like what ? You're lying, come on Aaron. You need to loosen up-” Robert pleaded, shoulder slumped before looking at him firmly. “Besides, there are going to be a few juniors, isn't Shanelle's sister in your year?”

 

She was in his class he thought to himself. She was one of the popular girls that had a reputation of being sweet. Everyone loved her. Even Aaron would admit to himself that she was pretty; any guy would want to be with her, but not Aaron. So he just shook his head, finding the words in the book engaging all of a sudden.

 

He wanted to tell Robert he was not interested. He didn't care for the hype and loud boisterous music, to be around idiots from his school. He couldn't say it, not really when Robert was looking at him, a sense of anticipation on his face waiting for his response. It was Robert that was asking him to come along to the valentine's party, no one else, and Robert was his friend. He would do anything for him right?

 

 

That's how he found himself at Shanelle's house by the residential side of the town. Along the lines of expressing his recent growing friendship with the Sugden boy, as his father referred to him, Aaron did not expect him to agree with no struggle. Telling his father he had a sleep over at his friend's house to study was suspicion at first then leads to relief. He didn't pay him much attention, not interested in anything in his life as long as he stayed out of trouble; as long as he was a good boy. That's what he always reminded him. Aaron was on his good side – he didn't want to mess it up. He knew the consequences clearly that had ingrained in his mind and on his body – he didn't need to be reminded.

 

Even with the anxiety in the pit of his stomach, he closed his eyes and pictured Robert there; the voice of the tall blonde boy pleading for him to be at the party. It was Robert, that was all really that Aaron cared for.

 

The fluttering spread to his chest, an unusual warmth that he felt whenever he was around Robert. He couldn't express why he felt like that but he pushed it aside and made his way down the path- Robert was expecting him to be there.

 

The beat of the music hit his ears first as he walked along the path way. Kids spilling out the front patio of the house. The house by design surely screamed money and even though it was cold out, there were stopping fashion as legs and arms were on for show. In comparison to what he was wearing, he looked out of place in his black and gray sweats with a hoodie covering his head.

 

No one was guarding the entrance or cared to for that matter as he squeezed through. Grabbing an unopened beer off the coffee table, he found a corner by the kitchen door to stand. Drunk teens scattered like the discarded cans that decorated the living room, couches and stairways were occupied with lip locking, The floor filled with teenagers grinding against each other.

 

 

“Hey! You made it” Robert breathes, big smile on his face that made Aaron feel the turning in his stomach. The taller boy radiated warmth and he smelled of alcohol. Freckles contrast like splatter of paints across his face from the alcohol running under his skin. Roberts smile suddenly shifts to the Asian girl approaching them.

 

At the corner of Aaron's eye, Alicia appears, followed by some seniors that Aaron recognized from Robert's class. They were high from the energy and booze. Already making their way past Aaron along with Robert to go to the make-shift dancing area of the living room.

 

Aaron's hands felt clammy but nothing of his nerves reflected on his exterior. He looked tough. Aaron was good at pretending things were fine; watching Robert at the center of attention as he chat up Alicia as the night went on had made his drink turn bitter and hard to swallow.

 

He wasn't going to stand here looking stupid so he took on gulp and start to make his way to the pair of girls by the kitchen counter. Sure, Aaron spoke to girls. He was good at making small talk. His eyes found the dark skinned beauty with a known popularity – Jenny from his year, caught in a deep conversation with her known friend.

 

A few minutes later her friend stepped away and Aaron took it as his chance. He made a witty remark that got her attention, along the lines of - “you’re that kid that got in the fight with that senior right?”

 

She smiled, shyly placing her curly hair behind her ear and looked at him. Jenny was pretty, that was something Aaron could see. He asked the things you do when you are talking to a fit girl. She smiled coyly and responded but he wasn't listening. Aaron was distracted by a couple across the room. Roberts hand was holding Alicia's hand. It shouldn't bother him; his mate is getting on with one of the most popular girls. He should be stoked shouldn't he?

 

Luckily for him, he was drawn out his thoughts when the party was wrapped up quickly as Shanelle's parents came back early from their flight.

 

They eventually found themselves in Robert's room, sleeping on each side of the bed.

 

“I see you talking up Jenny” Robert laid on his side to get give Aaron his full attention.

 

Aaron shrugs, “yea, she's fit” He responded then paused, “So... You and Alicia are thing now or what?”

 

“She's hot.” Robert spoke, looking at Aaron. “Would have gotten further if Shanelle's parent's didn't show up”

 

“You mean... like sex?”

 

“No,” Robert responded then corrected himself. “I mean, maybe I guess but kiss her, ya know?”

 

“You've done it before?” Aaron says with curious eyes.

 

“Not yet” Robert shrugged. “Well, if I play my cards right with Alicia” he smirked and pushed Aaron by the shoulder.

 

Aaron felt that twist in his stomach. He was confused at the nagging thought in the back of his mind. He should be cheering him on. It's what you do when your mate’s trying to get with a girl right?

 

“How about you?” Robert asked, curious gazed waiting for a reply.

 

He thinks of his experience with sex. He knows what it was like; it wasn't some magical thing that happens. His thoughts tracked back to the nightmares for a split moment before shook his head.

 

“No.” Aaron said quietly, eyes gazed down at the sheets.

 

He could see the hint of sadness across Aaron's face, unsure what to make of it, he touched his arm in hope to get his attention. “Hey, I'm sure things with Jenny will go good and you'll be hitting second base in no time” Robert tried to reassure him.

 

Instead of responding, Aaron nodded and voiced he was tired before turning his back and settling to sleep; leaving Robert alone with his thoughts. Unsure and awkward was how he felt. The space between them left things unsaid; things that Robert had not voiced. Willing to give up on his approach he turned his back. It didn't take much for the pair to fall asleep. Robert in hopes of seeing him breathing one last time before the sleep claims him.

 

It was a weird following few weeks as spring was around the corner following their routine sessions and labor. Alicia or Jenny were never mentioned again. There was something awkward between them that Aaron couldn't place but they were still talking. Nothing had really changed and as weeks passed, Aaron's questions were answered when he saw Alicia with one of Andy's friend kissing in the hallway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**March** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was the talk of the school during lunch time. Robert and Andy had gotten into a fist fight. No one knew exactly what caused it but they were found rolling around on the football field.

 

Aaron sat listening to a chubby blonde haired boy named James and a tall skinny dark skinned boy named Cameron. Among those labeled as delinquents that were in his class. Occasionally he hung out with them, Aaron didn't care for labels. They were never bothered by anyone and usually known for pulling pranks around the school but they were poor families from upstate and Aaron knew what it was like to be looked down upon because of the family your from. Like his moms’ side of the family – 'Dingles are no good'- his dad would say.

 

So he sat listening to the gossip - ' I heard it was over that girl that Andy is talking to ' or something of the lines of – 'I heard Robert got mad Andy was considered for captain' - Cameron said eating a chip.

 

Aaron knew he had to wait. Gossip at school was like folklore told in secluded villages – it's all real until proven otherwise. He knew he had a few more hours to wait before they could meet. It was their tutoring session today and when the class was released, Aaron headed towards the tutoring room.

 

 

_**[Aaron 3:20 pm]** _

**Where are you?**

 

 

There was no response in the ten minutes he sat staring at the phone screen then suddenly a text pops up on his screen.

 

 

**[Robert 3:27 pm]**

**Come to the farm.**

 

 

Aaron bit his lip, he packed his bag, he left unnoticed. A bus ride for the next few minutes and he was walking down the pathway when Mr. Ackles caught his attention with his crackling laugh that could be heard all the way from down the road. He was an elder gentleman, usually around to help them sort extra produce and equipment they needed. One who likes to give jokes as he found him stood with his hands on his hips talking to the few young men that were busy working.

 

There was a rowdy bunch today. A few of the workers that were usually around were all here today moving some of the produce and bags in the cold weather.

 

 

It wasn't hard to spot Robert; tall, lankly, blonde boy in the midst of dark haired men. He had a bruise on his jaw and cut at the corner of his brow. Across the other side, loading the truck, Andy didn't look any better from what Aaron could see – his lip with split with a bruise under his eye.

 

“Hey” Andy called walking over to him. Up close Aaron could see the swelling below his eye. He's seen him a few times around the farm, mostly with Jack while Robert looks on. It was perplexing to Aaron, the popular kid at school with praises that could be heard of him from every corner, better work ethics than Robert with pulling his weight and yet – If Aaron could sum it up from the details in the fine print. Something shiny wasn't always good, Aaron knows that first hand.“You come to help?”

 

“Erm we had a session, Robert didn't show” Aaron said as Andy caught on and quickly his demeanor changed.

 

“You probably should find someone smarter eh?” Andy said in a mocking tone. One would probably laugh but Aaron wasn't having it.

 

“He's great actually” Aaron stared at him before Andy could respond, it was Robert calling him.

 

“Aaron!” He says gesturing him to come over. That was all the exchange between the two for the next couple of hours. It was cold but nothing unbearable as they and the few workers continued doing their jobs in maintenance on the farm. One two many for Robert before he let the boredom sink in.

 

“Psst, hey” swatted Robert with his gloves at Aaron to get his attention. “Wanna see something?” Robert whispered, looking around at the workers busy with the task at hand. Aaron suspected he was looking for Andy but he had gone off with another worker to the fields leaving them on their own.

 

Robert usually has a plan to take a break or some distraction that eludes him into sitting on the side with his feet kicked up yapping away. Usually that’s how their routine would go and here, it was no different as Roberts’ eyes sparkled with mischief, nudging Aaron to follow him through the fence that lead to the open fields.

 

They snuck away unbeknownst to the group of men and the two ran down through the fields. Adrenaline running through their veins and flushed cheeks from the wind chill hitting their face. “Come on!” Robert quickly runs through the fields with Aaron not far behind. They ran till Robert stopped by some blooming trees awakened from their winter sleep. Tall grass surrounded them as they pushed through, till there was a lake that seemed to be only a few miles from the Grayson's Farm. It was further away from them but in the middle of nowhere, away from the world.

 

It had obviously been a place for leisure during the warmer weather with clues of a swing rope tied to a towering tree and a man-made sitting area around pieces of charred wood. The water was calm on the surface and even though the ice had melted away, they made no movement to jump in.

 

“It's nice here” Aaron spoke, taking in the sights. It was peaceful with the cool afternoon chill. He quickly followed suit when Robert sat by the edge of the lake, throwing their gloves in the grass.

 

 

“I found it when I was trying to get away from Andy's yapping” Picking up a pebble off the ground, Robert threw it into the lake.

 

Sitting closer to observe, Roberts brow looked more swollen than he thought. “You know, everyone at school is talking about it”

 

“Well, it really wasn't a secret” Robert scoffed, “We got into it before class period.”

 

“I didn't think you guys didn't get along?” He watched as Robert fidgeted, kicking at the dirt before finding another pebble to throw in the lake.

 

 

“It’s... complicated” He said finally and shrugged. He wanted to say more, ask why Robert had a look in his eyes whenever Andy was mentioned. He curiosity was eating away at him but even with his best friend, he wasn't willing to risk it so instead he sighed and followed him on his knees and looked out to the lake.

 

 

“He seems alright” Aaron shrugged, waiting for Robert to react. He could feel Robert's eyes on him, mimicking Aaron's posture placing his arms crossed on his knees. He was sulking, like a kid that didn't get what they wanted. It was childish but Robert wasn't one to admit that.

 

“He isn't that great you know? Everyone just thinks he is” the older boy sulked even more. Aaron smiled nudging him on the arm. “Yea, cause you don't think so.”

 

“Yes, cause _I know him_ ” Robert insisted, like a big kid he folded his arms tighter with a grimace on his face.

 

“I mean, you both are pretty popular, think you run the place of summit” Aaron teased with a cheeky smile to change the mood and it worked.

 

“I can't help that I’m popular” Robert grinned at him and Aaron rolled his eyes. Try not to smile. He was annoyed but it was hard to keep a straight face with Robert.

 

“Anyway, no one really likes me. Andy... he's all teacher's pet- five star golden child” Aaron could hear the bitterness spew from his lips. It was true; Andy was the favorite of the two brothers at school. He was kind with the teachers and fit so well with the jocks on the football team. He was the Sugden everyone got along with more, then there was Robert. He was popular, the British bad boy that was known at the school. He was quick mouthed which landed him in trouble majority of the time; especially whenever Andy was around but there was no doubt that Robert had a presence about him. He was childish at times and always seemed to say the wrong things but that was what Aaron liked about him. It made him odd, a contradiction of sorts, and that’s why they got along. He was an outsider just like him.

 

“I don't really fit in around here” Robert says, as if he read his mind, digging a piece of stick he found into the ground harder. Brow furrowed as he remained quiet for a few seconds before throwing the stick as far as he could in the lake. They watched as it rippled across the surface then Aaron says, “I always thought you were cooler.”

 

 

“Really?” Eyes bright, the way Roberts face lit up made Aaron's stomach leap. He looked away hoping he wouldn't see the look on his face and nodded.

 

 

“Head still big for your body though” Aaron bumped his shoulder and smiled.

 

“Shut up!” Robert laughed and shoved him.

 

Aaron pushed him again before Robert lunged at him tumbling them onto the grass. Caught between giggles and fumbling around till Aaron got the upper hand and pushed him on the ground.

 

Heavy breaths between them, Robert had stopped fighting. Fallen back into the soft green beneath him. His golden locks a mess and cheeks tinted pink. The feeling Aaron once had suddenly, washing over him. The first time he saw Robert stood tall in the sun and now – If pretty could be a word used for boys, Aaron thought Robert was prettier than any girl he had seen. Before he could think, like a force ripple through him, Aaron lunged forward placing his lips on him.

 

Robert pulled back, shock in his greenish eyes, searching for words, something to say. His heart felt light, the wind calm and Aaron flushed cheeks, blue eyes watching him - it felt euphoric. If it to be a dream, Robert doesn't want to wake, so he closed his eyes, unsure who moved in first and let the feeling take him away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always appreciated. this will be my first attempt to write a full fanfic so don't be too harsh. thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will have physical abuse, homophobic language and self harm. If those things makes you uncomfortable or may trigger you please be cautious or do not read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really expect anyone to be reading this. I just wanted to get this idea out there. I know I'm taking forever to upload chapters,My anxiety won't allow me to post unedited work. Luckily I have a friend that felt sorry for me in attempts to correct it so thanks to her. All other grammar errors are by yours truly. 
> 
> So sometimes I have music as inspiration for each chapter. For chapter three song choices are:
> 
> Sleeping at Last - Mercury  
> Troye Sivan ft Betty Who - Heaven

Chapter III

 

 

 

 

 

There aren't a lot of things that Aaron could remember as joyous moments in his life. From watching from the sidelines as his mother and father shout across the room. Watching his mom cried, screaming horrible words through the streets at his father, to day he found out she left him for good and Aaron alone with him. For all the time that Aaron could remember were consumed with an anger that burned inside him. A bubbling heat from within that he lights his world aflame through fights at school, stealing, nasty words that spew with at his peers or his step mother.

 

Step he'd taken far too many that he would remembered with a quick hit across the face or the pain he felt with his head shoved on the bed. Body bruised in places he dare mention, he would cry for hours on end and those horrid times his father would say were punishment for being a bad kid to be kept in order.

 

And it worked.

 

His voice became quieter, carefully chosen his words to swallow the rage stuck in his throat. It would pooled inside him screaming to be released and so he did, with ripping of books, causing chaos as he tore down the open streets or the secret things like punching walls, biting his nails until it bleeds. Things he could make him feel numb to the anger he felt inside. Things his father couldn't see. Things that made him to keep quiet to not be present anymore at home.

 

That was his life now, and it continued with Aaron getting up, indulging in the breakfast that was left for him before he takes the bus to school. Another day of listening to teachers and peers during free period. Then he would come home to his step mother and fathering arguing. As the day follows with classes, the gossips and charade of rambunctious teenagers as they made there way rounds the school. For as long as he's known, he didn't really fit in. Made his rounds with the fringes that hung out at the back of the class, the ones no one messes with. He would tell himself he was fine with it, fine with the stares or whispers. He would occasionally find himself in fights which led him to darker times and the cycle continued.

 

He needed and escape from home, between the suspension and detentions he had to deal with. He would do small labor jobs with one of the guys he hang out with, James uncle own a moving truck gig. There wasn't much pay but it was enough for Aaron, so that became something to pass the time. He need something extra and tutoring became something he could use as an excuse. He wasn't planning on going, his grades being convincing enough that no one really gave a second to look. It was suppose to be a laugh to passed the time then first day and it all came crashing down in the form of a tall blond hair boy that pushed the wrong his buttons. Somehow, it had turn into them sharing common ground, to being friends and now, working along with him on his family's farm.

 

School was more interesting now, apart from hanging out with the few lads from his class, he had something to look forward to. and as the day whined down, his favorite time would be walking up the old dirt road that led to the Sugden farm, pass the fields and stock. Waiting for a glimpse of golden locks then it was the long limbs and broad shoulders. The last bit was Aaron's favorite, when his greenish blue eyes met his and the smile on his face. This time however, Robert took on glimpse of him before looking away.

 

“Took you long enough” Robert says, throwing a pair of gloves to him.

 

Unsure how to respond, he quickly got into gear, getting into the daily routine as they do. They hadn't spoke since the moment they shared by the lake. It ended abruptly with calls looking for the two boys that end up pulling their attention the rest for the day. Then the weekend had been busy with helping to set up things for his expected sibling. No text from Robert and avoiding the topic at hand, his excuse was he was busy.

 

Now, it was awkward silence between them, atleast that's all Aaron could think of uncertain what to say. Andy had join them today, busy tending to the sheep, it was just both of them moving a few bags. There wasn't much to do, atleast not much Aaron was interested in except getting Robert's attention.

 

 

With Andy out of sight, Aaron gather his courage and called to get Robert's attention. “ Hey, can we talk?”

 

“What's up?” still busy sorting through the feeders.

 

“ The other day.... when we- ”

 

Robert quickly pulled him behind the barn, looking around to see if they were alone and gave Aaron his full attention. Aaron paused, fidgeting with sleeves before looking up. “The other day at the lake..” gesturing with his hands, trying to find the words that was scratching as it made his way up his throat. He could feel the tension in his neck constrict with every word he could get out.“when... we kissed- I kissed ya, I just- wanted to know if we – we were-”

 

Was all Aaron could make out before Robert lips were on him for a brief moment, stopping him in his tracks. His brain has time to process what just happened. Eyes wide, he could feel the heat rush to his cheeks. It was quick but Aaron swear he felt it to his toes.

 

“Yea, we're cool.” Robert says with a shaky breath. Aaron let out a breath of relief, releasing the tension in his shoulders with a small smile on his face seeing as Robert seemed as nervous as he was.

 

“Okay...” Aaron nodded, playing with his sleeves unsure what to say. There was a awkward silence, both seemed unsure what to say next. Aaron was becoming aware of the cold weather was surely welcomed and he thanked it somehow that could be explain his how red his cheeks were or the slight shakiness in his breathing. Robert was staring at the ground with as those long limbs fumbling what to do.

 

“Maybe...we could go there in a bit” Roberts said shyly at first then cleared his throat,“ I mean, if you'd like.”

 

Aaron stomach was doing flips as the time whined down and soon, the chores were feeling more tedious as their anticipation grew. They practically bolted to the fence, running through the field soon turn into a race between the two boys. There wasn't much a competition this time as Aaron turned, catching his breath. He stand with biggest smile on his face. Robert hunched over, hands resting on his knees as he felt the burn through his legs.

 

“So slow Sugden!” Aaron teased that quickly stop when he saw those greenish eyes staring intently at him. He quickly the thought of Robert's lips on his were in the forefront of his mind. Ignoring his quip and his excuses, walking towards him with a twinkle in his eyes.

 

Oh. this was better than Aaron thought. He felt giddy, like the winds beneath his feet had him in the clouds. The sweet smell of the open fields felt like a freedom he never thought exist. That he thought would feel with someone here with him. His cheeks burn from smiling so much, more than he's ever been. His toes curled in his shoes as he felt Robert grab his hand. Long fingers running clasps on his skin, making the rest of the way to the lake.

 

“Come on” He said in a low voice and Aaron is helpless to do anything than to follow.

 

The events of the day long forgotten as the sun setting. They were side by side on the dew covered grass soaking in what was left of the warmth of the day. Small exchanges of the day events to fill the anxiousness that roll off them.

Nerves high, both boys hesitant at first... sitting closer, reaching out to touch hands then moving in slower when their lips touched. The first time, adrenaline in overdrive, there wasn't much could be process than the deafening sounds of their blood running but now, Robert could feel the softness of Aaron's lips. The musky smell that was just Aaron and earthy fields on him. The touch of his cold nose against his cheek. The warm exuding from him was comforting.

 

Robert didn't think kissing another boy could feel like this.... it felt – normal. There was much differences as far as Robert felt than the physical attributes when he's reminded with the sharp angles of his shoulders or the feel of his hand placed on Aaron's chest. Nervousness quickly falling off and turning more confident with each move. Small gasps between kisses, cold hands on each others face. They eventually pulled away, breathing with lips reds and flushed cheeks.

 

There was question rummaging through Aaron's mind. Questions that branched out into straws that slowly worked in his nerves. The one you question yourself, the ones that tells you that this isn't normal.

“Was that your first kiss with a bloke?” Aaron watch him as he nods, holding back a smile looking at the older boy's hair messy as if a brisk wind had pass through.

“ Not my first kiss ...but yea.”

 

“Who was your first ?”

“Prep school don't count... Some girl I was dating when sophomore year.”

Aaron nod's his head in acknowledgment then Robert says, “I mean, I like girls you know ” As if to make it clear to Aaron then quickly adds, “But, I like you.” He smiled to himself as he watch Aaron blush. It's a sight to see, when his face softens and broodiness is gone for a moment.

“What about you?” Robert asks as Aaron nods slowly.

“How was it?” Forthright as always, Robert smirked studying the younger boy's features. Flustered, Aaron shrug trying to play it off, making a face but his body betrays him as he could feel his face growing red. “'s alright.” he muttered.

“I know you liked it” Robert states, cocky as ever and laughs ignoring Aaron daggers as he shoved him hard. “You ever not be full of yourself Sugden? what I'd like is for you to choke to be honest.” Aaron glares, not heat behind his gaze.

“Was that your first kiss?”

Aaron shook his head and adds,“ Some girl at a hangout.”

“Not bad.” Robert teased, rolling on his back with his arms behind his head looking at the sky. It was like that for the rest of their time together, talking about their love for cars or Robert go on about talk about his obsession with fantasy tv show that was the talk of the school, Aaron couldn't care less about but he listened.

 

During the afternoon, this is where they found themselves, by the lake side, fumbling in the grass, laughing. Away from the thoughts that plague them. No mention of their family woes or sorrows. Robert and Aaron enjoying the open field and each others company, eyes closed laying in the softness of the greens beneath them, a good mixed between the warmth between them and cool chill of the weather – it was perfect.

 

Spring break was here. They've found more time together, when they were not away on the farm, they would sneak moments between themselves, banter and careless touching. Jack didn't mind, Robert seemed more invested to put in work with shifts that he'd been given or that Aaron coming over offering to help or hanging around. He'd become respectable young lad in Jack's eyes and if it kept him out of trouble then Jack fine with it.

They didn't think things could get better than this. For the first time, they had something to look forward to. they didn't felt alone. Being around each other was enough to make them happy. The shroud of dark have found it's light.

 

Soon they were reminded of the world they were apart of when school was back in session. Both walking separate ways to their rightful classes. Lunch break, they sat in their expected areas. Listening to their peers converse while they made glances at each other. It was scary yet exhilarating in a strange way for Aaron, it was like a secret he and only Robert knew. Every glance he felt heat under his skin. He never felt this way about any girl or boy before. Sure, he wasn't blind, there were girls that looked attractive since Aaron has eyes but he never felt his interested peak in any way.

Boys, Aaron found interesting. He would pay more attention to them, catching himself stealing glances in the locker rooms and during P.E. The way Jason in 7th grade had amazing biceps and deep hazel eyes he found himself staring at him. The way Billy in the 8th grade, the tallest in his class had such strong legs for days or how Daniel in 9th looks in his jeans. Thinks other boys shouldn't think about. So Aaron tuck them away, close them in a box deep in his mind with other horrid things boys shouldn't talk about. And over the passed few months, he found the locks on this box breaking away, slowly opening within himself with each time he spent with Robert. It felt surprisingly normal and that's what scares him. Things Aaron could push away as long as he had Robert, his best friend.

 

And as the week went on, Aaron experience other emotions that were certainly brewing with the latest talk of the school. The new gossip and enthrallment of the new substitute teacher for the senior year history class that wore her high red pump heels which the halls and wasn't shy of keeping her figure on display in fitting dressed. The boys were all gawking at her. It was the talk during lunch break Student watches as Miss Evans skim pass in her brightly red heels and the sway of her hips. He watched as Robert eyes followed every step, talking to his friends, all mesmerize with every move.

 

Then, there was chatting up Katie Addyman. She look alright in Aaron's books if you ask him but nothing special. She giggled at something Robert had whispered in her ear. Moving her long blond hair back and smiling as Robert spoke. So later that day when all the chores were fulfilled, they were here by the lake under the sun. Robert was talking to him between his book he was reading, explaining his frustration with the context of what was happening between the characters to Aaron, who to say the least, couldn't cared at all. He didn't hear one word.

 

“Wassup Mcmoody?” Aaron had been focus on pulling the thread on the end of his sweater for last few minutes. It was un-twining and now that he have played his part to watch it unravel, he can't stop. Like the thoughts rolling around in his head and ready to spill out of his mouth.

 

“Do you think she's hot?” Aaron looks at Robert who had amused expression on his face as he closed his book.

 

“Who?”

 

“What's her name that's Sam's sister”

 

“Oh! Katie? Yea, she's hot. You don't think so?”

“Hasn't she been around a few times? Heard she was with Jason ? I mean, if trampy birds considered hot then yea no doubt” Aaron rolled his eyes.

“So? No one really talks to her cause they care about that” Robert laughs at Aaron's disgusted face.

“s'cause she's easy then, that's what you like is it?” Aaron teased but Robert looked at him with a raised brow.

“Why are you being weird....” confused look on Roberts face than changes like an light bulb hits him, “Are you jealous ?”

 

“As if” Aaron scoffed.

 

“You are! aren't ya?” Robert laughs. pleased with himself, he watch as younger boy glared at him.

“No! shut up!” trying to pull away from Robert's grip but he held him there. Putting an arm around his neck,he held him close. It took a moment, debating within himself to cooperate, till he gives in and looks at up Robert with those deep blue eyes.

 

The smile gone and he stared intensively at Aaron, keeping him close. Aaron wasn't like other boys Robert knew. He stood out in ways that he didn't seem to notice. Strong jaw and buzz cut, that wore tshirt and sweats everywhere. The physical attributes, he wasn't hard to spot. He looked hard but those eyes, they were really the windows to his soul. They way he didn't cared about the crowd or speaking him mind. And as much as he like watching the scowl on his face, he knows, with all the teasing aside. Robert knew he was sensitive and that's the part that get's him. The part when moments like this, Robert pulls back and look him in the eye.

 

“Hey, relax, it's just you okay?” Robert says softly, words sending shiver down his spine and warmth in his chest. He was better with words than Aaron, that lack tactfulness but it was honest. He wasn't sure Roberts feeling towards him, if it meant anything more or even what they were meant anything with labels but smile on his face, Aaron pulled him hard and kissed him. They didn't have the words to say what they mean, jumbled thoughts and caged within their ribs. Then they were kissing, lips lock and cold hands on each others face, forgotten are the moments before. Cocooned in the long grass and serene atmosphere, it was paradise. Rolling around in the grass with Robert was best thing Aaron could think of to spend all those long days ahead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**April** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Opening a jar he had hidden in his closet. The work did pay off from the looks of the jar that was almost full to the top. Sure, he was only paid for a few hours but it was enough to buy small things he needed instead of asking his dad.

 

So he got on his feet and quickly shook the money on the bed. Counting the amount of cash he had in hopes it was enough to buy what he wanted for coming day. The one that Robert was looking forward for weeks that he would be a legalized adult. And with the day set in mind, Aaron was saving. Aaron don't think he could compare to anything that Robert did for him but he could try. There was a few things Robert loves like cars, tv shows maybe a movie he had been eager to see but there were a few things that top the list that had Aaron already down by the mall.

Robert had mention they were having a little celebration for Robert at his home. Aaron knew he had to see him first, to be one of the first to give his gift. The nerves kicked in, twisting his stomach with each ticking moment as he reach the farm. He'd spot Robert talking to Mr. Keller by the porch. As if it wasn't hard for him to talk, he gaze at Robert, all confidence as he stood in his navy blue hoodie and black jeans. Look on his face when his eyes met with Aaron never stop to make him feel open. Soon Mr. Keller went in leaving Robert there, smiling at younger boy as he got closer to Aaron. Somehow he manage to get the words out. Revealing a package in his hand.

 

“Hey, erm, this is for you.” Aaron said nervously, holding out the package, “don't get too excited, not -” but before Aaron could finish, Robert was halfway through tearing through the wrapping. Robert eyes grew wide as he read the cover and embrace Aaron into an hug. It was quick before he pulled back to look at his gift. Aaron's heart soared.

 

“No way! Aaron, this suppose to cost loads!” hands sprawled on the crisp cover of the book. It was heavy hardcover, with hand design images of the solar system scattered in a spectrum of colors. There are a lot of things that no one knew about Robert, one fact was that– he was a nerd in contrast to how he carried himself.

“We're having a little dinner, you can join us if you'd like.” Robert beamed. It was just a dinner, a small thing that shouldn't mean so much but knowing that his dad actually remembered made Robert felt important. He'd watch his dad planned Andy's big day even helping to get things in order then watch as he forgotten his own. Robert knew it was special because Jack remembered.

 

“You're not inviting anyone else?”

 

“Nah.” Robert scoffed and smiled. “ I don't want to share the cake as It is.” He adds, tugging Aaron by the sleeve to follow him. There were no decorations around the farm house. No pictures hanging on the walls, just one of two pictures on the fridge door. The walls were blue toned, muted, nothing that would burn the eyes. The design was simple our any other typical home but had antique furniture's mixed in with new modern pieces that seem jarring, one would say lacked a 'woman's touch'.

 

It was only a dinner for family along with Mr. Keller and Aaron as company as they sat around the table. They quickly made their rounds of sharing the food around the table. It was a great turn out, no arguing so far but there was a strange tension in the air, it was pleasant. Andy broke the silence of forks clinging on plates.

 

“Happy Birthday Rob” Andy said, brown eyes looking at his brother waiting for a response.

 

Robert looked at Andy, hesitant in his response, “Thanks Andy” Robert replied before continue to mess around with his plate. It was nice for once Robert thought, that he felt like the center of attention as needy as it sounds, Robert couldn't help but soak up every moment until the older gentleman, Brandon spoke.

 

“Robert, wow, eighteen is a big chapter in a man's life” Mr. Keller said adjusting his glasses, He had brown wavy hair with grays sprinkled through. He was a slim man for his age that had a warmth to him but shared the same mindset and passionate for the fields as his Jack and it's why Robert was dreading his next few words.“Good looking young man like you should have the ladies lined up.” Sitting back in his seat and took a sip of his beer, “I thought you would have a girl around for us to meet by now” He laughs.

 

“I got girlfriend” Robert blurted out, “ _Fuck”_ he cursed under his breath, mentally kicked himself. It's moments like these when Robert regrets how much of a big mouth he's got.

“Rob's got a girlfriend! Can we meet her?!” Victoria said with excitement.

“No, He doesn't.” Andy interject, “He's lying Vic. No need to show off Rob” He turns to Aaron. “ Does rob have a bird? ”

All eyes around the table fixed on Aaron,“erm yea..” He replies looking at Robert. “I...thought he told you?” Aaron looking between the two brothers with wide eyes, trying to shove the rest of his food in his mouth in hopes deter anymore questions – there is no manners in speaking with a full mouth.

“I wouldn't tell him, the only reason you don't know is because I know you have a big gob” Robert teased, “And I've seen your picks, you should look into wearing glasses, Andy.”

“Atleast I've had a girlfriend. Prep school doesn't count Rob-”

“Well, next time you should bring her around then” Jack interrupts walking out from the kitchen with small pieces of chocolate cake as he shared among the table.

“Uh, yea.” glancing at Aaron before indulging in the chocolate cake in front of him. Luckily, he was save by small arms wrapping his shoulders.

“Yes, I want to meet her. What does she looks like?” Victoria asked standing by his chair.

 

“She looks like you but way prettier” He teased, ruffling her brown hair that she slaps his hand away.

“Seriously? I guess she's too pretty for you then” Robert laughs as she sticks out her tongue.“Anyway, Happy Birthday Robert.”

“Vic, you told me this morning.”

“I know but I want to say it again to my big brother” She laughed, her arms around his shoulders and squeezes him into a hug. She was smaller than other ten year old in her class but she hand a strong grip. If there was anything that made Robert smile at home it was his baby sister.

They all made attempt to start clearing the table, when Jack stops Robert. “Leave that for later son, Brandon's got a friend with connections and got us seats to the race today” Robert jumped up grabbing his hair. “No way! You serious?” then quickly spins around, “Can Aaron come along?”

 

“Next time son, just one and one father son time” Jack puts him arm around his son's shoulder.

 

“That's fine Mr. Sugden” He didn't care, he saw how big the smile of Robert's face was, Aaron didn't care for much anything else.

 

“ Come on” Saying bye to Andy and Victoria, he turn to Aaron,

 

“I'll send you videos.” Robert whispered to him before running off to join his dad in the truck.

 

“Come on, I have a treat for you” Jack smiled, revving the engine driving down the old dust road. Enjoying the breeze as they drove down the main road, Robert wasn't there as yet but he was enjoying every minute of it.

 

It was like those times before Robert thought, when Jack would hold his hand guiding him, reassuring him when he felt flat on his face after messing up a match when he was younger. It was just like the light in his eyes he used to look at him than disappointment. So Robert feel like he was ten, when things were slower, they were happy in a lunch in the fields at community event. Even Andy was there, the brother he wanted, smiling and playing free in the warm sunny afternoon.

 

It was like old times, the one where Robert was the apple of Jack's eye. He would enjoyed today, soak it all up and warmth in his heart.

 

It was an event that Jack remembered Robert loved. They've gotten two seats in a decent few benches from the front, thrill of the engines and inhaling the smell of gasoline and the earth beneath them. Two hours of glorious moments watching the race car tear down the dirt tracks. Eventually as time goes, It was time to go, pulling up on the slopes outside the track that over look the tracks from a distance as they watch another event started.

 

Jack packed the car, joined by Robert sitting on the back of the open truck.

 

“That was great, Thanks Dad”

 

“I wanted you to enjoy your eighteen Robert” Then says, “It's the first step of becoming a man. Soon you'll be looking for a nice young bird to marry and start you're own family” Jack patted his shoulder while Robert listened, hearing the how his life should planned out. He would eventually find a girl to marry but all came to mind with Aaron. He could feel sweat forming between his fingers, nervously smiling at his dad.

 

“What you're getting at dad?” Robert amused, listening to his father ready to give some grand speech, but he fixed his hat then says, “You know, things you have to plan for Robert. The Farm being apart of Sugden business....”

 

Robert was quiet, the rest of Jacks words muffled in his ears as he spoke. listening to his father words rolled around in his head and heart. Suddenly the sky felt dimmer, the sound of the engines muffled in the background. Suddenly the laughs they shared moments ago was tainted.

 

 

“So...you brought me up here to bribe me into taking on the farm?” Robert said bitterly, “ gee thanks, Dad!”

 

“Why'd you have to look at it like that Robert? we Sugden are farmers and it needs to be kept in the family, son” Jack pleaded, reaching to touch his shoulder but Robert with moved away.

 

“Andy is learning the ins and outs. He is going to needs you guys to stick together-”

 

“Yea, we might end up killing each other more like” he huffed.

 

“Come on Robert, stop being stubborn, come to your senses,” Jack cut in, putting on his cap “Andy has come-”

 

“ Andy- everything is always about Andy” “I should have known this was too good to be true, too good for you to consider my birthday”

 

“come now, Robert, these things shouldn't matter as much anymore-”

 

“You got Andy a car for his eighteenth birthday! ”

 

“He's going to need it! He showed he's reliable and he earned it!”Jack voiced boomed, “Maybe if you showed more interest in the family business. ”

 

“ So, what have been doing slaving away outdoors ?!”

 

“Hey, don't get smart Robert.”

 

“I'm going to college to study I.T. You know? Do programming of sorts with computers.” Robert told him with eyes burning. It was dream to work in the field with computers and coding. He tried to put in the work in farming but it felt more like a punishment than something that led him to a purpose. He was good with numbers, something that always made him felt confident. Where Andy surpass in physical labor, working with his hands, Robert shined with working his mind, showcasing his knowledge of the technology.

 

Of course being in a family of hard working farmers. The “honest work” they would say, did not fit right in the Sugden's book. True accomplishment as they commemorate another year or successful farming. And in a family of traditions, Robert found himself alone. It was fine to deal with, the motivation to move forward and with every reminder, Jack took to took it into something less worthy. It hurt.

 

 

“To work for some big timer? In some sardine space in front of a screen. Wasting away in the office ?” Jack scoffs, stood with his hands on his hip, eyes reflecting the same look Robert seen countless times. Robert heart felt heavy and his voice quivered as he tried to get the next few words off his lips.

 

“Mum wanted me to go...” Robert says bitterly at him. The words stung deep in his heart. Deflated, Jack looks away. “Do you remember mom, Dad? The one Andy k-”

 

“Hush your mouth boy!”grabbed him by the shirt collar, Robert held his breath. “Your mother wasn't a farmer Robert, it wasn't in her blood.” Jack countered lightly, let's him go, putting a hand on his shoulder to keep him close. Frustration grew on his face then finally says gently,“ Why do you have to be so difficult? come on son, It's a Sugden way. The tradition and I want my son to be apart of it.”

 

Those words should be a comfort to Robert. Hearing his Dad say that he wanted him but it was instead twisted into something ugly. It felt more like the wedge was sunk further between them. Somehow he felt closer to the dead than he did the parent that was breathing right in front of him. Maybe if he had known the mother who gave birth to him, the one whose face he couldn't remember. Maybe then he could see the point, that sticking around home meant more than the soil beneath his feet but it was twice now fate would have a mother being taken away from him. If anything else, he would want nothing more to do with it what she no longer was apart of. “I guess it's not in mine blood neither.” Robert hopped off the hood of the truck with head low hiding the tears that threaten to fall and slam the door shut as he sat in the back.

 

Nothing more was said, the drive home was silent. As soon as they pulled up, Robert quickly ran inside slamming his door shut. He can cry here, in the safety of his room where no one could see. No judging eyes questioning what he had done this time. In one motion, he knocked the books off his desk. The burning anger that settle in him harden like a glass shattering, he felt each shard sticking in his heart. The first few tears hot down his face as he picked up the photo of his mother on his desk.

 

He didn't know what pained him more. Being a disappointment to his father or feeling like he was living in Andy's expectations. Knowing he wasn't good at anything or missing his mom comforting words and warm embraced. She would tell him everything was alright and the world would be a bit brighter, his heart lighter. If he could hold her one last time, Robert would traded the stars and moon to have her back. He missed her.

 

God, He missed her.

 

Then he would remember the fire, crackling, wrapping it's hold on her, taking her away from him. Watching her sank into the ground, what was left of her. Being forced to leave her behind as he went to America. That's all he could think about as the week went by.

He became distant too Aaron notice. Occupied by things Robert kept to himself, things Aaron wanted to know. And then he saw him. Ruffle blond hair he combed through with a remark that had Katie eating out of his palm. She was on of the snobby girls at school, blond long hair and He tried to ignore as spotted down the hallway on his way to class.

 

 

During this time, Aaron waited for Robert in the tutoring room. He didn't go to football practice the day before, Aaron recalled as he remember standing by the benches in hope to see Robert, he was nowhere to be seen. Aaron bit his lip, as he waited for Robert to pick up – nothing.

 

 

 

 

**[Aaron 3:40]**

 

 

**Where r u?**

 

 

 

 

**[Robert 3:55]**

 

 

**come up to the roof**

 

 

 

 

 

It was a place that students would normally go to smoke or ditch classes. Unaware to the teachers that someone had broken the lock. Aaron quickly made his way to the fourth floor unseen. He unlatched the restricted door by the corner of the hallway and made his way up the stairs that led to the roof of the building.

 

“What're you doing here?” first thing Aaron ask watching Robert sitting on one of the legless chair with his feet on make shift bucket seats. He stood there waiting for an answer with his hands in his hoodie. “You coming down or what?”

 

“Who cares? You already know your stuff” Robert muttered when Aaron notice the bottle of liquor in his hand. “Want some?” Robert says taking another sip then offering it to Aaron.

“A bit early isn't it ?”

“Never too early to drink” Aaron could tell he was in a bad mood. He was hiding Aaron thought as he comes closer to him. Robert hated when people see him soft and it was probably why he was here. He was sulking, cheeks red from the boozed or cold air, who knows how long he's been up here. So, Aaron stayed standing, watching Robert as he played with the label on the bottle.

“You didn't said... about the race.”

“Doesn't matter” Robert deflects then sighs “ It was some stupid race anyways.” He said bitterly.

“Did something happened?” Aaron brow furrowed, when it look like he wasn't going to answer, Robert looked up at him giddy smile on his face.

“ You worry too much Livesy” Robert replied, takes another sip. The younger boy sigh, sitting down on a bucket near him, unsure what to say next but remembering early events Aaron decided to ask his own.“I saw you talking to Katie... does it has to do about her?” Aaron dreading the next few words when Robert scoffed, rubbing his hands across his face.

 

“We're still on about Katie then? we're in high school Aaron, get a grip” Robert spat in a patronizing tone. “You're not my girlfriend you know” Robert in a small laugh, looking at him.“Stop being so whiny!”

 

“That's rich coming from the biggest kid around!” Aaron contends. He felt the sting of those words against his face. _No, he isn't_ Aaron thought and he wasn't a girl at all that Robert could be interested in. Feeling vulnerable and his pain turned into the only way he knows, anger filled him instantly, “ Keep drowning yourself in whatever pathetic excuse of a life you have!” Aaron said distastefully. “No wonder everyone likes Andy and not you! ” He adds spitefully and shot up in one motion, storming off down the stairway, eyes sting with tears.

 

 

 

 

Aaron didn't go to the farm, he was still fuming when he got home, even now that he sat around the dinner table with the food that had gone cold.

“You haven't touched your food” Sandra observe by the kitchen counter. She was nice, to say the least. It always been awkward for him being around her. She was going to have his baby sister soon and Aaron still feels like they're strangers living in a pretty home that had lack any amount of love he wanted.

“Aaron you can tell me” Sandra said eyes filled with concern as she watch him move around the food in his plate. She was chubbier than her normal slim state. Red hair kept in a ponytail and despite her tired blue eyes, she had look about her, The pregnant glow is what he heard her friends called it. She was a pretty woman, Aaron thought but when it comes to standing up to his father, she was gullible and weak in his eyes, part of Aaron resents her for it.

 

“It's nothing.” He muttered, poking around the veggies on his plate.

“Are you in trouble again?” Sandra eyes him, like in hopes to finding the truth. “I won't tell your Dad if you are. Just tell me if you-”

 

“I'm not in any trouble” Aaron scoffed, Typical he thought. He knew he was at fault for her mistrust since his track record says differently but he's been good and yet, it didn't matter. She seem to always concern him not bring trouble in the house. It was never words of care.

 

“You don't have to lie Aaron” She folded her arms above her protruding stomach.

 

“What? I'm not! I just don't want to talk to you okay?”

 

“Aaron- ”

 

 

Aaron pushed his chair, walking off he felt a grip on the back of his shoulder. Aaron felt a fear come over him. “Just get off! Okay!”

Quickly shoving back knocking her in the counter. They both stood there, surprised at what occurred when the door slammed and Aaron looked to his side to see his father by the doorway, eyes filled with rage. Aaron panicked, quickly running upstairs in desperation to hide away. He could hear his step mom measly attempt calling to his father when the door burst open. It's like a horror scene, a script that plays front of Aaron's mind watching his dad standing in the doorway. “So this is how you act when I'm not around is it? Good thing I stepped in just in time to see you being a little shit!” eyes wide in fear as his father twice in size, Aaron felt small under the gaze.

“I didn-”Sudden sting in the air as he felt his face burned, looking at his father in horror.

 

“Did you already forget what happens when you misbehave?”

 

“I-I'm – I'm sorry” He pleaded “I didn't mean it, I was an acciden-”

 

Gordon strike him harder across the face again, Felt as a force of getting hit with a plank. No matter how many times he felt it, it hurt just the same.

 

“Why do you cause these things on yourself Aaron.” His father shook his head, hands on his hips. He turns, grabbing him by the face.

“Stop crying. Now, you are going to clean up yourself, go downstairs and apologize. ” Gordon says before walking out the door.

 

Aaron ran in the bathroom looking oozing cut on his cheek, bruised from the ring his father wore. He's endured worse pain than this and yet, it never cease to leave him shattered all over again. He was shaking, he couldn't breathe, the air in his lungs burned. The worse part is he felt grateful.

Grateful enough that his punishment wasn't more severe, and he knew what happen to naughty boys. Those words repeating his mind, getting louder. He couldn't stand the emotions that rattling around like fireworks wanting to explode, so he did what always helps to ease the pain. Aaron turned on the sink, letting tap run till it steamed. putting his hand underneath as he watch as the skin on his hand turn bruised red. And then it was silent. The voices in his head, the twisting of the lid finally released.

He heaved a long sigh, splashing his face. He composed himself, sleeves of his hoodie was always long enough, so he pulled them over his hands, shoving them in his pockets before heading downstairs.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

They haven't spoke for a few days, not even showing up at the farm. Seeing Aaron at lunch break, his leg bouncing as he played with his food. Robert send him a text, watching him across the room as Aaron goes in his pocket to look at his phone then quickly shoved it back in his pocket and continue his talking to James.

It was later in the afternoon, the time was whining down. The last set of classes before he was free from hell hole. He could sleep now to be honest, watching a boring video that the teacher had put on got his eyes burning. Closing his eyes when he felt the buzzing in his pocket.

 

 

 

**[Robert 12:35]**

 

 

**meet me by the lake**

 

 

 

It had been the sixth text today and Aaron has had enough. He quickly turn off his phone and shove it into his pocket, packaging his things to head to his next class. Walking through the crowd in hallways when he hears someone called his name from behind. “Aaron!”

 

“Robert?”

 

“Can we talk somewhere” The older nods in the direction of the boys restroom by the end of the hall. It was empty as expected since there has been a leak that had flooded the halls a few days ago with work of fixing broken sinks and stall doors and now remained temporarily off limits. They walked inside ignoring the big “out of service” sign by the door. Aaron exasperated sigh as reluctantly follows him. When the doors locked, he stood with his hands in his pocket and shrug.

 

“What do you want Robert? I thought you wanted to meet later?” Aaron said with annoyance.

 

“Your read my text? I don't know if you were going to show. I couldn't wait, you wouldn't answer my text or calls-”

 

“Yea because I ain't interest for a chat, take a hint!” He goes to move but Robert blocks him with arm place on the wall.

 

“Aaron, I- I'm sorry okay? I didn't-” He paused, eyes fixed on Aaron's face, “What happened? ”Aaron moving away as Robert reach out to touch his cheek. It was healing, no major signs that Aaron couldn't lie about than the result of a small mishap.

 

“Got into it with James” He says with his arms now folded.

 

“James? ”

 

“Forget it, I started it” Aaron says, then adds.

 

“He can't even walk without tripping over his feet.”

 

“Well, he got lucky alright?” Aaron corrected, and Robert didn't push the topic, He did not want to cause more tension between them as it is. A hand comb through his hair trying to gather his thoughts as he gaze over Aaron. He was a sight to be seen really, when he had scowl on his face that if he didn't know any better, Robert would be looking at him from the ground.

 

“Look, I'm sorry about what I said okay?” Robert pleaded, “I drank too much and I was already in a shit mood. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I – I was being stupid asshole-”

 

“Was it Andy?”

 

“No, just another episode of being an disappointment to my dad” Robert says in a cynical tone then quickly shifts his attention to Aaron. “So we good ?” nudging him on the arm. He stood there with pleading eyes that Aaron slowly felt his anger fade away and slowly nods his head in admission. He missed their time together, he truly did. Listening to James and Cameron talk about their latest arguement about the best baseball players was driving him up the wall. There are other things that Aaron missed, the ones that he couldn't say out loud like his hands in his when they're by the lake or they he looks at him. It hard to stay mad at him in truth, in defeat Aaron nods.

“I'm.. sorry what I said too” Blue eyes watching the as he let out a sigh of relief.

 

“Okay...as long as we're good.” Robert said with a warm smile. They both breath easier, with only longing left, Robert touch his arm again but this time, his hand stayed there.

 

“I have practice after but see you later then yea?”

 

“Yea” Aaron says as he watch Robert leave first before following few minutes after to continue on their day.

 

 

 

\--

 

Robert huffed as he wipe the sweat from his brow. He felt icky to say the least. Rolling around in the damp field, sweat clinging to his hair and down his back against the cool weather was not doing any favors. The worse part of all, that he hated it.

 

He didn't cared for sports as his brother did. He cared about his appearance at the school. He decided to try out from football as a mean to fit in as well as an excuse not to be on the farm. Then Andy join in, convinced by his new friends. At this point, Robert don't think he could back out now without looking like a joke to the boys at school. Of course, Andy shined on the field. He was always good at things that require physical strength. Where he was good, Andy was exceptional.

 

“Tired already Sugden?” Robert looked over his shoulder at a dark haired boy with brown eyes stood holding the ball against his leg. They were the same height but he was clearly had the built of an athlete and if Robert had anything to say about the crumbs on Michael's face that should be facial hair, surely reflect how insignificant he was on Robert's radar.

He rolled his eyes before he turned to respond, “I'm fine, Michael ” then says, “Shouldn't you been running along to your master?” Nods towards his unbeknownst brother talking to the coach. Robert wasn't one to forgive and forget, no amount of time would let him forget how much of pain Michael has been. Always having some sly comment to say to him which is why he ended up locking him in the supply closet. The smug look on Michael face quickly disappeared as he throws the ball to Robert before taking his position with the rest of the boys on the team.

One of the good thing about football that Robert had come to enjoy, tackling his brother or when the signals been called, in the scurry of players tackling, charging into Michael and knocking him into the ground was probably the best thing. A few more rounds of exercise and team practice game, soon come to an end, the locker room full rowdy boys that were aching after coming off the field. Usually talking gossip or which girls were hot. Sometimes Robert would join in but this time, he remained quiet when the word prom came up.

 

“Jessica already said yes” Charlie said with his red curly hair, sticking his hairless chest out stood arrogantly in his boxers. He was the known as the class clown among the boys. Some of the boys teased him and quickly became spewing between dates they had lined up or who they need to ask.

 

“What about you Robert?” Michael ask smugly. Robert could feel all eyes on him. Sure, there were a few girls in his year that he thought were hot and he was interested but now, his thoughts were consumed with only one person, who was not a girl. So Robert plays busy loading his locker and nonchalantly response in hopes it was convincing enough.

“I'm thinking to ask Katie actually. ”

 

“That's funny, considering she already said yes to me” Andy interjected, that got snickers around the room.“I thought you had a girlfriend?” Andy says out loud, that got everyone's attention around the locker room.

 

“We split up” He lied, at this point he could hear the laughs in the room at his plight.

 

“If you can't find a date Robert, maybe you can ask Matt.” Michael says and the other boys around the room laughs. Somehow being Andy's friend means they all seem to take a liking to annoy him.

 

“And maybe you need a good knocking for always talking so much shit” Robert snaps.

 

“You wanna say that again asshole-” Michael snarls as he steps up to Robert with the boys around the locker room raucously egging them on when two other male figures intervene, putting space between them.

 

“Yo, cut it out guys!!” a tall dark boy holding Robert back with their friend Shaun in between. Andrew was his name and one of the few Robert actually liked hanging out with during the school days and considered a friend. Micheal slowly backed off when back packing his locker.

 

“Where is he anyway?” says a boy by the far end of the locker as a means to break the tension in the room.

 

“He had to go early, some emergency at home. ”Michael inform the bunch, “or so he says, maybe he went off to see Kevin.” referring to another boy that played on the baseball team, they were seeing everywhere together and that was slowly becoming one of the talks at school. “He and Kevin I'm sure take it up the ass” in a humping motion and the other boys laughed.

 

“Don't want those puffer near me” Andy says, “He shouldn't be on the team.”

 

“What the fuck is a puffer? nah, you mean fag,” Short boy named Eric says laughing. “You gonna be here, you use our terms.”

 

“It's all the same ain't it?” Andy shrugs, dressed in his red hoodie and jeans, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

 

“So what if he's gay ?” Andrew argues and Robert stood silent watching the exchange. He felt his breath caught, anticipating the next few words from his brother's mouth.

 

“ It's disgusting. I mean,if he wants to be like that then he should probably join a different sport.” Andy told him, walking out with his friends and a few boys spoke in agreement. All heading out one by one leaving Robert alone.

 

He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. He shouldn't care for what Andy thinks but then if he's being honest with himself, hearing those words from his brother bothered him more than he'd like to admit. His brother thought being with another boy was wrong. Hearing a few of his peers agreeing with him, affirmed the thoughts he had been ignoring, the ones he was taught. Being around Aaron, it was like being in a bubble, safe from the his worries and loneliness he felt – now, he could fill the prickly against the surface of this enclose about to burst. Muddling in the ground around his feet, and suddenly the ugliness that he'd forgotten about was there.

He liked girls. He liked watching the curves in jeans with their soft skins and luscious lips. Being with Aaron, made him aware of things he never knew - boys have soft skin and lips taste just as sweet. Robert knew he likes girls but then there was Aaron and now it seems like things he hadn't notice were there like temptation of the devil. It came in the shape of his admiration for Andrew's tone body seemed to stand out more than he would notice or Mike that was the quarterback had blue eyes that reminded him of Aaron. Even the images scrolling through websites or tv shows of fit male actors peak his curiosity but he was straight.

To be honest, it was all fucking confusing.

 

With all those thoughts only one thing that made sense to him was that Aaron made him happy. He loves being around him and the face he makes when he was in a mood or how mouthy he was. They way he didn't seem to care about labels, his ugly sweats he likes to wear. Most importantly, that Aaron liked him as he is. That's the thought that resonates in his heart. It maybe be selfish and foolish but Robert would hold unto that feeling with dear life if he could. _How could that be so wrong ?_

 

 

\--

 

 

They were passing the time with their favorite hobby was each others lips. Soft touches and cheek holding. They couldn't get enough, like a sweet cake taking one bite at a time, soon they lay down side by side in the grass looking at the blues and red that painted the sky. The trees were alive with vibrancy that shielded away the lake in it's luscious greens. They were in their safe place, no one around to hear him speak the dark things that haunts him at night.

 

“I don't like going home.” was the how is came out Aaron's mouth. Robert looks at him confused, he then touch below the bruise on his left cheek. A few minutes of silence before older boy spoke.

 

“Your dad?”

 

“You're not the only one that is a son shit.” Aaron says disparagingly, picking at his skin around his nail.

 

“Well, he's a piece of shit dad.” Robert replies angrily, puts his hand over Aaron's to stop him.“Does..does it gets worse?”Aaron looks away nods again.

 

“You could report him, you know?” He tells Aaron who shook his head.

“It's fine. He is rarely there anyways and it hasn't been that bad for awhile” He explained anxiously.

“Except you have cut on you face that says otherwise-” Robert argues.

“It's fine okay? Please, just leave it now.” Aaron says finally pulling his hand away sitting up with his arms over his knee. Instead of pushing the subject Robert sits up resting back on his hands, quiet for a few seconds before turning to Aaron.

“You know you can stay over anytime” Robert says softly, his eyes full of concern. “Just call me or text, we can figure something out. ”

 

It wasn't much but it was everything to Aaron. He wanted to tell him about other things that happen to him. To tell Robert about the things he had nightmares about but it was their safe place, it felt like nothing bad could taint the grounds where they lay so he kept it to himself. He don't think he could take Robert looking at him as anything as he is now - normal.

This was enough, _it was enough_ Aaron thought. Maybe as long as he got Robert and a place for themselves to run away from things that made them unhappy, he could keep living in this solace that was theirs. In resolve he nod his head in acknowledgment.

 

“Just two more years and you can move out” Robert says with encouragement. “ We could find a place to rent.”

 

“ Aren't you going to college ?”

 

“ Yea but I can just find one here.” Robert explains. “What about you?”

 

Aaron shrugs, “I like cars, thought maybe work at some garage. Maybe get some degree in that so I can open my own place then.” it's nothing his father would accept. Livesy's as his father would tell him are above laboring on construction or anything to requires getting your hands dirty.

 

“Livsey Auto shop? Hmm, sounds catchy.” Robert smirk, his head falling back to gaze at sky as if he's imagining it all happening one day. “That's cool. I can stop by in my Porsche when I want an oil change.”

 

“It ain't going to be free, ya know.” Aaron retort looking him up and down with an raised brow. “And not cheap.”

“Not even if I play my cards right?” Robert said with a sweet smile that Aaron knew was trouble. He kissed Aaron on the jaw pulling back with a devious smile.

 

“I dunno, I'm not that easily convinced” Aaron trying to ignore the effect that had on him, laying back in the grass with a playfulness in his eyes.

 

“Oh I can be convincing...” Robert quip moving to hover over him claiming his lips once more before the nightfall on them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**May**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eyes flew open, he groan in frustration running his hands down his face at his present issue, one that was very prominent underneath his sheet covers. It wasn't anything new when puberty surely had his hormones through the roof and waking up with blood flow in a more attentive area was just natural. He has grown well into attending to his needs at this point. However, for the passed few weeks they have become more of a daily routine, especially when he's been around Aaron. Then, it was the vivid dreams he had that willed him into frustration. Sometimes he would satisfy his needs with few rounds to release himself before getting ready for school, other times it was just a bother.

 

Among other things that were on Robert's mind, final exams are here and he needed to focus. His services at the tutoring department was complete, of course no one at home needed to know so he would take the opportunity to spend with Aaron. Sometimes it would be gaming at the mall, other times would just invest into studying before practice.

 

There are days when Robert could focus but it was hard to think of anything else when Aaron's nipping on his lip in a tease and running his hand through his hair. This was the best time and any other thoughts or worries Robert had forgotten. They couldn't always make to the lake in between Robert practice and their eagerness had them be daring in places. Kissing underneath the row benches on days when the court was empty or going to the school roof when it's luckily been free of any other teens frolicking. Even brief touches when they were public.

This particular moment, they were behind the benches on the unlit indoors court. Robert was preoccupied to say the least, hands underneath Aaron's jacket on his back, keeping him close and mouth on his while Aaron had his hands gripping on his shoulders. Their kisses had become more eager, a brewing need for _more_. Robert could feel the nudge against his thigh. Maybe it was just nerves but no one made a move to do anything else. It's been like this every time things get more heated, no one made a move to go further. After a few more minutes, Aaron was the first one to pulled away making space between them to catch his breath with wide eyes, lips bruised red and his face flushed. He looked wild.

 

“I can't stay any longer” clears his throat, “I have to help with stuff back home.” He had mention being home to help with chores and errands since with the pregnancy, his step mom was finding things more difficult to deal with.

 

“Okay...” with his arms still clung to Aaron, “I was thinking we could see that new car movie Saturday” Robert says pausing for a second,“ Fast and fury or whatever it's called”

 

“Fast and furious. yea, cool” Aaron gives him on quick kiss before making space between them to gather himself and adjust his appearance before heading out the doors.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

The next hour Robert was in the library with Andrew sharing some notes with their chemistry exams a few days away. Both bored at this point and called it quits to head out. They were packing up their books when Andrew spoke.

 

“So, what' are you doing this weekend, man?”

 

“Er, going to see that new fast and furious movie.”

 

“Who are you going with?”

 

“Um, just a few mates.” Robert says nonchalantly, clearing his throat.

 

“ I've been wanting to see that movie yo! Do you mind if I come along?” Andrew asked waiting for a response. He was like a big puppy at times when he was excited. His brown eyes lid up and known big movie goer. So how was Robert to say no to him?

“Sure!” Robert replies regretting the first thing comes out of Roberts mouth. _Fuck._

 

“Great man!” Andrew says with a big smile on his face with his bag on his back. “Alright, cool see you tomorrow ” pats Robert on the shoulder before heading out. He groans, regretting the few minutes that had occurred as he dragged his feet, with each step cursing to himself.

 

 

_**Fuck.** _

 

 

 

 

 

–

 

 

 

Saturday was finally here, with Aaron by his side at the mall. And so was Andrew.

 

Robert internally kicked himself when he sees his friend in the distance. He hadn't mention it to Aaron, he didn't know how, to be honest, so as he does, waited last minute before he confessed unwillingly.

 

“Uh I forgot to mention, Andrew is coming along.”

 

“what?! Why?!” confused, Aaron fumed gathering himself, realizing Andrew was walking towards them and not alone. Aaron was unsure what to expect to say the least. He's seen Andrew around the school with Robert and during football games. He was likable and swooned over by the girls at the school. He had a swag of a celebrate of sorts. Looking like one of those pop singers that Aaron didn't know the name of and even more so envied by the ladies that he was taken.

 

“ Hey man” Andrew called to Robert, walking towards the pair. “Hey, you're the dude that Robert's tutoring right? it's Aaron right?”

 

“Yep. Andrew right?”

 

“Yes sir. I hope you don't mind Tasha with me, can't leave the girlfriend ya know, wanting to spend time” Andrew says buttering up the dark skin girl with long braids beside him who was busy soaking up his words. She had a warmness to her with her hazel eyes and squares glasses that gave her hipster feel along with her fashion sense.

 

“Oh, no it's cool” Robert stood awkwardly with Aaron by his side.

 

“So, it's just you two?” Tasha asked.

 

“Uh yea, the others canceled. Chores and all” Roberts feeling Aaron eyes burning into the side of his head.

 

Before words could be exchanged, Robert sees his brother dressed in plaid shirt and jeans with Katie on his arm. “Oh sorry man, I forgot to mention, Tasha invited Katie so..” Andrew said sheepishly with a hand behind his head.

 

“Robert?” Andy says clearly surprised seeing his brother here. “ Tasha invited us so I thought-”

 

“Well, I invited them but _clearly_ it's an open invitation... it's fine” Robert said finally. The six teenagers stood there awkwardly before Tasha spoke, “Come on guys, we should get the tickets” and the rest followed awkwardly behind up the stairs. There was no lines at the booth. Weisters' Mall cinema wasn't the greatest to say the least but five bucks a movie was hard to beat. So they got their snacks and head in to watch the show, each sitting with their pairs and of course, Robert and Aaron at the end of the row.

 

It was entertaining with cars doing incredible stunts and explosions. The plot wasn't the best but no one cared, it was fun and the action was worth the experience. Soon the group head out getting some food by the food court that was on the first floor. Grabbing a few burgers and drinks, found a booth at the corner for them to all share. Andy with Katie on the inside seats, Andrew and Tasha to their right while Aaron and Robert sat on the chairs on the other side. The the thrill of the movie was slowly wearing off and suddenly, the awkwardness was apparent among the two brothers and Aaron felt even more out of place.

 

“So, you found a date yet Rob?” Andy ask taking a sip of his soda waiting for a response.

 

“What's it to you?” Robert says defensively. Andy was not one to be crass, that was never his style but as Robert learn, Andy making a display was never innocent motive if it anything to put Robert on the spot, something to do with the morally high horse he seems to be stuck on as Robert would put it.

 

“Nothing wrong if you don't have one Robert.” he says innocently with Katie giggling. If anyone didn't know better would think she was stuck oh his brother's arm.

 

“Didn't Rachel had a thing for you ? should ask her out. ” Andrew said stuffing his face with french fries.

 

“Well, I don't think he will have much luck with his attitude” Katie said in a condescending manner, flipping her hair and holding onto Andy's arm. “given how the way he spoke to Jessica, I'm not sure any girl would.” Of course Katie was referring to their classmate and her best friend. Robert rolled his eyes.

“She was making fun of the fat kid in class and it's not like I said anything that's a lie, no one likes her cause she's a snobby brat as you would know all about right princess Katie?”

 

Katie pulled her arm away, glaring at him. Suddenly the guys went quiet watching the exchange. “Beside, you're one to talk. you didn't seemed to mind my cockiness before” Rpbert said smugly.

 

“Hey, watch it.” Andy warned.

 

“Or what?” Robert challenged sitting back in his chair, legs spread with a smirk on his face.

 

The rest of them watching the exchange between the two brothers when Tasha interrupts loudly, “Boys, cool it.... and he ain't wrong. Jessica is a snobby brat.” that made Andrew laughs and Robert pleased with himself.

 

“Just drop it guys.” Andy says in hopes of changing the subject putting an arm around Katie's shoulders.

 

“So Aaron, whats the latest talk? I heard they found weed in the restrooms on your floor.” Andrew taking a bite out of his burger before giving Aaron his attention. The incident had happened a few days ago. The halls smelt of marijuana that got the principal as

“Dunno, don't really pay attention to be honest” drinking his coke to have something to do sitting with his arms folded.

 

“You got a girlfriend?” Andrew inquire further, surely more interested in learning more about the quiet boy he sees around sometimes as the rest of them.

 

“Erm.. no.”

 

“You guys sure are a pair then eh?” Andy spoke in a teasing manner before biting into his burger.

 

“What's your point?” Aaron says cautioning tone, moving his cup away to give Andy his full attention. Truthfully, he didn't care about what Andy thought about him but he was already pissed off by this whole situation and was ready to channel his frustrations elsewhere.

 

“Nothing, just that you guys always hanging out together and you both don't have girlfriends.” Andy says to his amusement, looking between the two boys as if to make a light joke but no one was laughing then explains the rest to Andrew and Tasha. “Aaron helps on the farm with us.” Andy tells them.

 

“Robert got no friends his own age then.” Katie says clearly entertained by the new information she's learned.

 

“With cows like you for company, I'm not surprised” Aaron glares at her who is shocked to say the least then he looks to Andy, “And you're one to talk like Michael isn't under your skirt, at your beck and call.”

 

“Aaron, I was only teasing!”

 

“Whatever, I've got better things to do.” Aaron says before kicking back his chair, all eyes on him watches as he head towards the entrance of the mall.

 

“Aaron wait-”

He could hear the foot steps behind, Robert called out to him. Aaron stops in his tracks, now outside the mall and reluctantly turn to face him.

 

“What? is there something else you're forgetting to tell me? ”

“I know, I know I messed up. I should have mention Andrew was coming-”

“-And the whole brigade!” Aaron fumed, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“I didn't know he was going to bring anyone else with him. He asked me and I didn't know what to say.”

Aaron was mad but more so angry and irritated at their predicament. It wasn't just about a few friends tagging along. It reminded him of everything he wanted to pretend wasn't there. Like Tasha leaning her head on Andrew's shoulder or the way Katie held on to Andy, freely without thinking of what the others would think. They were labels with them, they never even established what they were but somehow this was one more scenario that made things they have not spoke about be brought to the surface. Things he was not comfortable to say. And it was too much for Aaron.

“Don't matter. Gotta go anyways” Aaron says finally then walking away leaving Robert standing there by the Mall.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**[Robert 7:45]**

  
  


**I'm sorry. Meet me tomorrow?**

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


–

  
  


  
  


  
  


His dad wasn't home until later and his step mom had gone out with a few of her friends. She didn't care for him to be spending the day out with his friends as long as her phone didn't start ringing. He knew where to go, usually it's a short ride by bus drop by the nearest open fields that goes to the farm, footsteps leading him to the open fields and he sees the older boy sitting on the wooden dock making swirls in the water.

“Hey"

"Hey" Robert stood up attentively brushing his hands in his pants. “Aaron, I'm sorry about yesterday, I just-"

“ What is it with you and Andy anyways? ” Aaron asked, “ It's always weird between you too. One minute I see you guys talking then next minute you're at each others throats.”

“It's hard to explain...” Robert sighs,struggling to find the words then finally, “ T-there are things he's done you know. He isn't as nice as he seems.” Hands form into a fist at his sides. “Somehow my dad just treats him like things he's done didn't matter -like how I feel doesn't matter.” Emotions heavy in his throat when spoke angrily, “Even in a different country it's like everything he's done, like I'm the only one that remembers it.”

Aaron was quiet. Robert cryptic words trying to make sense of it. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Sure he could be childish but he's seen it for himself, Andy always by their dad side and somehow Robert seem to be in the distance watching. He never said anything about it, Robert was too proud to put into words. And it was important to Robert so it was important to him.“Robert, you don't have to prove anything to anyone you know?” Aaron looks at him. “I mean I know whats it like...Half the time I don't think anyone know I exist when I'm home unless they need me to do errands.”

“Yea, that sucks” they both sit by the edge of the dock with their legs crossed looking out at the trees and the grass sway to the gentle breeze. The sun did so much than to glow with soft warmth kisses that did nothing for the still chill they felt.

  
  


“So any picks for prom then?” Aaron says kicking at the loose dirt between the boards.

“Gonna ask Rachel” He says hesitantly watches Aaron silently nodding, eyes focus on the ripples being made by the few leaves falling. “ ...Or maybe I don't go. Like you said, nothing to prove right?”

“You miss your big chance to grab the attention. That would be shocking to see.” Aaron jokes and smiles.

“ You know, I would ask you to prom” Aaron felt his cheeks warm at the idea. Being the one that Robert wanted to be his date.“I'm not wearing a dress you know?”

“ I'm sure it would bring out your features.” Robert laughs patting his cheek when Aaron pushes him in the lake.

“shit! it's cold!”

Aaron laughs and soon finds himself joining Robert when the older boy grabbed him by his sleeve and pulled him in. Laughing and playing in the water, splashing and taking turns jumping on the other. The worries of early conversations forgotten and soon they found each others mouths. Water didn't feel cold anymore. Robert hovering over him as they found moved to land. His hands on his hips. Drenched and tongue slipping to taste each other. Even with the cold they could both feel their wants. Aaron's hands on his back. Robert's hand running up to cup his face. They were both shivering at this point but not wanting to stop, the younger boy shivering caught his attention.

“We.. could go to my room...” Robert suggestive tone, flustered made his freckles more define. He haven't made any attempts to move nor did Aaron who lie staring into his prurient gaze. They haven't spoken about going further or what this all mean but without words they had an understanding. He knows Robert is waiting for his response, one he already knew the answer to.

 

“Andy and you're dad?”

 

“He's out with Katie, Vic is staying over her friends for the day and my dad has a meeting, he's not going to be home till later. ”

Robert pulls him up by his hand. Wringing out his shirt and putting back on. Both running back through the wild fields in their damped clothes. Sticking to their skin. By the time they reach all thoughts when through the door.

“No one's here” Robert says slowly as close the front door, there was a paused before he looks at Aaron.

 

“You coming?” Robert said gently, lingering eyes with his open palm waiting for Aaron to take it. A wanting between them, for more and nerves mixed together. Even then, Aaron placed his hands in Robert's and made him lead them upstairs. He has been in his room before, spend nights over or hanging out endless hours but now everything feels different. The details around the room becoming more significant than before. The color of his blue walls, the dim window light that glowed in the small room, the dark red colors of the sheets. Envelop in the warmth of the room, still in their damp clothes, they both pulled their shirt off, dropping it on the floor. They stood in silence for awhile taking in the sight before them.

He was more lean than Robert expected. Define lines from his jaw to his clavicle that ran down his chest. There was small marks from what Robert could see that seems like scars? That were old and faded. He stood there flushed red with his arms awkwardly by his side. He's seen boys shirtless when the summer heat was blistering hot or locker rooms with guys in his year but this was different. He was the boy that Robert dreamed about late nights. It was Aaron.

For Aaron, he could feel his heart beating a mile a second. His eyes glued to the boy in front of him. His pale skin with freckles everywhere like splash paint decorating his skin into a work of art as far as Aaron concern. He looked softer than Aaron have every seen him. Messy gold hair around his face, all height, slim with his broad shoulders. It was exciting and scary to feel this way about another boy. The nasty voices in his head became muffled, it didn't felt wrong. Things that flash through his mind nagging him to ruin this moment. This wasn't his first sexual experience. but it was one that he wanted. One where he felt safe and it felt right standing here looking at Robert.

His fingers reaching out to touch his freckled chest that made him flinch. “You're fingers are cold.” Robert says sheepishly before covering Aaron hands, placing it on his chest.. He stands unsure what to do the next. Robert was good at talking, he can put up a good front and do what's needed but now.

Feeling hilariously flustered., Robert cleared his throat, “Uh..w-we could just chill if yo-”

Before he could finish, Aaron lips was on him. It was slow, touching Robert was better than he could imagine what this would feel like. Aaron's fingers running up his shoulders then up the nape of his neck into his hair. Their chest touching, skin to skin send a shiver down his spine.

Somehow their steps found themselves falling back on Robert's bed with Aaron on landing top of him. Kiss heated between them, a wanting for each other. He gasped, pulling inches away as he felt Robert's hands cupping his backside through his jeans.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

“Yea.” Aaron breath before dipping forward to ravish his lips. Robert's grip was hesitant at first growing more confident holding Aaron close. It was arousing to say the least with hands running through Robert's hair, teeth nipping and soft moans shared between them. Even in their damp sweat pants, he could feel they were both turned out with the obvious jutting in each others hips. Aaron moved to adjusts his position to straddle Robert's lap when their crotch pressed together sharply making them breaking their kiss in a moan. Both stilled, staring at each other, swollen lips and pupils blown eyed.

 

Then it was mouths colliding, Aaron pressing his hips down to meet Robert's. His hands still on his ass, pulling Aaron closer. Forgotten was the dampness seconds before and now, they set on just one goal in mind. Robert had done a good job of satisfying his hormones on his own but who thought getting off with another person would have been ten times more pleasurable.

 

It was awkward movements at first, trying to find a rhythm, learning as they go along. He felt himself ripping, being pulled in different directions and back together all at once at the sensation that was burning between them. Rocking becomes grinding down with each move of their hips, Robert motion up to meet his. The panting of hot breaths between them and eyes closed. Robert felt like a wreck as they both in the final part to reaching their peak. Euphoric in beyond words. The sound of Aarons moan sweet to his ears. This was amaz-

 

 

BAM!

 

 

The door slammed hard against the wall. The boys both scurried away from each other in fear.

 

 

“What the hell is going on?? This is what you two up to is it?!” Jack shouts like thunder in the small room.

 

“Dad...” Robert voice small, tightness in his chest. He couldn't breath.

 

“Get out!” Jack picks up a shirt on the floor and throws it at Aaron as he hastily puts it on with Jack pulling him to the stairs. “Get out!! Go! before I call your dad! You're done here, you hear me!”

 

Aaron hesitant to go, when he looks up at Robert. Red rimmed eyes, pleading at the top of the stairs. “Just Go! before he changes his mind” he says in a shaky voice.

 

With that, Aaron was out the door. Adrenaline through his veins, he ran down the streets till his feet somehow carried him to his doorsteps. Resting his head against his bedroom door, legs burning and shaking from the fear that plague him as the hours went into the long night.

He haven't sleep that night. He waited for the the doors to be open or for a ring from the kitchen phone but it was silence. Sending numerous text in hope of getting one in return but nothing. Even calling his phone all went to voicemail. Aaron cursed himself, feeling guilty and unsure what to do. He shouldn't have left but what could he do? Feeling hopeless and powerless at the events that happened. He's been gnawing at nails for the past hour or so in hopes to finding some comfort in waiting, hoping that the morning awaits him will bring solace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter to go.


End file.
